To Laugh or Cry? That is The Question.

Sometimes I have no idea what I’m doing or feeling. I get consumed by the smallest things. It’s always been people, places, and things with me. I’m like a dog with a bone on some topics. I know this is annoying to others. To me it’s a way of coping.

I loathe the way the media portrays the mentally ill or anyone with mental health issues. Lately this is all you see on the big news networks. To stockpile all of us into the same group causes more stigma, shame, misinformation, isolation and the system to fail even more than it does now. We are not all monsters to be shunned and locked away.

The healthcare system plays a big part in the lives of the mentally ill. Resources are limited and stigma is also a big factor. Research shows it negatively impacts a person’s desire to get help. They are less likely to divulge their mental health condition.

In around 50% of cases Mental Health and Addiction begin by age 14. About 75% present symptoms by age 24. And still the System fails. I can’t hold a press conference about it but others can contributing to the misinformation and stigma.

On a different note. Making friends. Or keeping friends. I have one that I have to cut loose. She calls once in awhile. It always starts the same. ” I’ve missed you! How have you been? I’ve been worried!” Then it goes to ” Can I borrow $200?” or ” Do you have some Adderall I can have?”. Today I  told her if she was that desperate to go a town near us and a certain bar and buy some coke. She didn’t catch the sarcasm. She just said “Why do you know anyone?” I wanted to scream at that point and accidentally send her to the cop bar that’s near the other bar. I didn’t.

I’m scheduled for my biopsy next Friday. My dad has dialysis and can’t take me so I asked my sister. She said she couldn’t because she has plans with her friends. So now my dad is taking me early before dialysis and just dropping me off. I’ll be alone. They have to put me under and it’s a risky procedure. They have to replace the stents keeping my kidneys working too. I’ll be alone when I wake up and have a tendency to cry after anesthesia but I have no choice. So today I just laughed at the ridiculousness of it all and ate 2 gluten free chocolate toffee cupcakes.