The Great Pretender

I an often used as a sounding board for some people. It doesn’t happen as much as it used to and now it’s mostly my sister. Pretty much the only time she talks to me. Personally I think she knows she won’t get much of an argument from me. My stutter prevents this and I don’t want her to stop calling me. I pretty much go along with what she says while in my head I am saying what I really want to say.

I find this behavior pathetic on my part. She’s a right fighter and there is no use in arguing.

Her husband has been sober for about 8 months now. She thought he asked her out on a date to a concert. It turns out his sponsor is going and he’s been asked to lead the AA meeting backstage. It’s a closed meeting. He’s also flying out to L.A. to spend time with a somewhat newly sober singer to talk and go to some meetings there. My sister isn’t happy. She can’t understand why he has to do these things. Why can’t they be a normal family? Why can’t they have alone time? Blah blah blah.

I’ll tell you why. He was close to making it in the music business. He’s incredibly social. He was bullied to the extreme in his childhood and had other things happen. He also had problems with food as did my sister. He has a need to fit in and be recognized. He’s only been sober 8 months. Alcoholism is a selfish disease. We do not think about other people while we are drinking or when we are first getting sober. All I ever saw was my own pain and guilt.

My sister has always looked at how everything would effect her. She’ll try for a little while but it never lasts long. Even when it comes to me. As soon as I was out of the hospital it was right back to not hearing from her. I know I’m needy but the doctor even said to her “you don’t know how close you came to not having your sister anymore”. It didn’t change anything. So I pretend to sympathise with her when I want to scream. I want to tell her “you have a husband that loves you, 2 beautiful children, a house, your health and friends, why are you complaining?” But I don’t. She would hang up and I wouldn’t be able to see the kids. So I keep pretending.