This subject isn’t a pleasant one to write about but it’s an important one. There have been too many talented, beautiful people in pain lost this year. There have also been many that we never hear about or were almost lost to us. When I hear of a person younger than me who dies by suicide that I know, it breaks something inside me.
The recent event of the son of the lead singer in my brother in law’s band angers me. I offered to help several times and each time I was brushed off like I have no idea what I’m talking about. Now I think if I had tried harder I could’ve prevented what happened. I know this isn’t true but self loathing and punishment is my thing.
Women attempt suicide more often than men but men succeed in suicide more than women.
The most common method used by women is pills.
25% of suicides are by people over 65 years of age.
25% of suicides are alcohol related.
80% of people had seen a physician in the past 6 months.
50% of people had seen a physician in the last month.
Previous attempts increases the risk of suicide greatly.
Family history of suicide or abuse.
History of psychiatric disorders.
History of alcohol/substance abuse.
Feelings of hopelessness or helplessness.
Impulsive or aggressive tendencies.
Social losses, financial losses, death of a loved one.
People discharged from Mental Health facilities are 34 more times likely to commit suicide.
60% of the depressed population have suicidal ideations.
15% of alcoholic patients are more likely to commit suicide.
This is just a list of facts when dealing with real people it’s much more difficult. But there is truth here.
There is a history of suicide in my family. There is a history of severe mental illness and alcoholism.
I had seen physicians within 6 months of at least 2 of my suicide attempts. I was drunk during all of them and felt like I had a gaping hole in my chest that could never be filled. A lonely ache that never went away. It’s still here but I deal with it. When manic I was impulsive or aggressive and I chose pills and razors. One time a roof that turned out to not really be a roof.
It kind of blows my mind that I slipped through the cracks for so long. That I waited so long for a diagnosis or to receive any kind of help that was right. I honestly should be dead but for some reason I’m still here. Between the suicide attempts and the emergency Kidney Failure where I flat lined I figure I’m here for a reason. What that is I don’t know yet.