Category Archives: Content

It’s Been Awhile So Get Ready!

After not really writing for awhile, I started to notice I was becoming more irritable, irrational, quick to anger, isolated and depressed.

I’ve always had a problem with confrontation. I avoid it as much as I can. This has usually meant staying silent when someone hurts me or says/does something I disagree with.

Eventually I will reach a point where I can’t swallow anymore B.S. and I reach a breaking point. Whoever is near me at this time suffers the consequences.

I can physically feel it happening. I hear my blood rushing in my ears, I lose my vision except for the color red or red dots and my head gets incredibly hot.

When it’s over, I don’t remember all of it, only bits and pieces. I know I screamed and yelled, said some horrible things, but I don’t remember the specifics.

I don’t make excuses for myself. I have tried to explain why it happens.

One of the most difficult things is when your loved ones think you aren’t trying hard enough.

When I had my last kidney surgery to change my stents, it was embedded and partially blocked with a build up of mineral and calcium deposits.

Your kidneys filter toxins from your blood and help keep your bodies chemistry in balance.

If you have 1 kidney working at 40% that has been compromised because the stent keeping it working at 40% has become embedded and blocked, your blood isn’t being filtered and your body chemistry is thrown off.

Now imagine you have an illness involving a chemical imbalance in your brain. Plus most of the medications you take go through your kidneys.

This would cause a huge problem if this went on for 6 months without you or your doctor knowing.

So when my stents were finally changed it was like starting over. I felt like I was mentally back where I was at 20 years old. My Psychiatrist didn’t adjust my medications even though he received all the reports. I was basically starting fresh but at high doses. All the medications that had been in my system I had detoxed from. One of the reasons I felt the way I did.

Starting over with all the side effects is horrendous. There have been times I just wanted to get in my car and start driving until I ran out of gas.

My Dad isn’t doing well and I’ve had to worry and take care of him. He has multiple disc herniations and bulges in his back. There’s also a compression at L4 and extreme spinal stenosis and arthritis. When I heard them ask if he knew he had several healed fractions I thought I was going to vomit.

He was too busy bragging about how many pounds of grain he can lift and carry to feed his 300 birds! He told me he got rid of almost all of them. He lied. Then continued to dig the hole deeper by boasting of all the other things he isn’t supposed to be doing.

I can’t chain him to his chair. He turned 75 on June 5th. I called and reminded my sister the night before. She NEVER CALLED HIM. On the 7th I called her and asked if she had called our Dad. She said she was going to. I asked why she didn’t do it on his actual birthday. She replied “He didn’t call me on my Birthday” That’s when the blood started rushing. In the last month she has told me 3 different times that she or her and her husband dislike my behavior and how I don’t take responsibility for anything.

I never see my sister and her husband. Since I had that 1 fight with him 4 or 5 years ago I’ve been kept at a distance. But they still bring up my “behavior”. How do you know what my behavior is when you’re never around me?

Sorry if I’m mad because once again I’m the one taking care of one of our parents and I’ll be the one that gets to watch them get worse and worse. I’ll be the one to either find him dead or watch him die at the hospital while you make excuses from 10 minutes away.

She never called for Father’s Day either.

I can’t watch another parent die.

Watching my mother almost killed me. I can still see her face, the nurses laughing, my Dad howling, the blood, like it’s right in front of me.

I remember her last words to me and that kills me.

I don’t want to do it again. But he never left me. I owe him. I know the rest of my family figures it’s okay because I’m alone and they think I’ll stay that way. Maybe they’re right and I should accept it.

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LITTLE DEATHS AND SUICIDE SHAMING

The remarks made by an actor on Twitter recently about a friend’s suicide made me more than angry.

He thought his friend was “selfish” for taking his own life. After all that is what his spirit guide told him. I think he’s mistaken about what a spirit guide actually is. A guide doesn’t tell you what to think or do, they guide you along your journey.

If he was such good friends with this person why didn’t he see the signs of his friends struggle? I didn’t know the man but I noticed he was different. Maybe because I’ve been there.

Like in poker, we all have tells. Staring off while the people around us laugh and talk. Not really paying attention or adding to the conversation. Nervous habits like bouncing your leg up and down, tapping your fingers, constantly looking around a room. The smile that never reaches your eyes. Sleeping more or less than usual. Drinking more or using drugs more.

The man was an addict. I’m not sure why he thought it was okay to drink as long he wasn’t doing heroin. It doesn’t really work that way. You’re still self-medicating.

As far as reaching out to a friend or loved one goes when you have a serious mental illness that you are self-medicating with drugs or alcohol it’s almost impossible to do.

Each time I attempted suicide I was drunk. All I could think of was the pain, the guilt, the hopelessness. Every bad thing said to me played on a loop in my brain. “You’re a waste of space, no one likes you, no one will ever love a fat c*nt like you, you should just kill yourself, we can’t believe you anymore because you’re a drunk, etc”. There was no room in my head for the idea to reach out to someone. I didn’t even know I was Bipolar and had been for quite some time. I automatically thought I was worthless. I had thought this since I was 8 or 9.

The human mind can only take so much abuse. I could take a lot of physical abuse and I did. But it was the constant psychological damage and trauma that I couldn’t handle. I doubt most people could. My own family could only handle knowing a small fraction of what I went through and what I thought. They refused to hear anymore from my doctors. I still have to find a way to live with it all.

After 5 suicide attempts before the age of 27 something inside me stopped trying and just drank more. I finally stopped drinking 10 years ago and was correctly diagnosed as Bipolar with Social Phobia, Anxiety, PTSD and Conversion Disorder. Knowing about the mental illness helped me stay sober. Getting to the cause of my drinking went a long way.

I would like to say that I don’t think about suicide but I still do. It’s in a different way now. It’s more like I just want to run away or disappear. It’s harder without family or friends. It’s even worse when you have a chronic physical illness that is life threatening.

My twin sister has stopped speaking to me. It hurts. But she can be extremely toxic. Everything is black and white in her world. She didn’t call our dad to wish him a Happy Birthday on the 5th because she said “He never called me on my Birthday in January”.

First he’s 75 and your FATHER. Second, you never answer your phone and I know he tried to call and it went directly to voicemail which she never checks either.

Long story short I lost my temper for the first time in a long time. I even dropped the F bomb in front of my Dad. That’s how mad I was.

I’ve been left to take care of him and his other 2 children could care less. My Dad is stubborn and cranky. He’s now taking vicodin like candy because he herniated several discs in his back and refuses to stop lifting heavy objects.

I need a little vacation.0d806ffdc1b7a4766b4b545aeb74354b


FOR ALL OF US WITH ADDICTIONS AND MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES

My Grandmother on my Mom’s side drank a lot when she was younger. She also had mental health problems that were never diagnosed. I know my Grandfather drank but I don’t know if it was ever a problem. I don’t know if there was mental illness on his side of the family either.

My Dad’s father suffered from Social Anxiety and General Anxiety. As far as I know there was no alcoholism or drug abuse from either parent.

My mother and father were both alcoholics. They each stopped drinking on their own when I was around 8 or so.

My mother had several “breakdowns” and was hospitalized a few times for them. She was never diagnosed. She would spend weeks in her bedroom sleeping and then be up laughing and cleaning the house.

My father has always had severe anxiety. My mother actually spoke for him in public places. He used alcohol to fit in and be able to socialize. He’s always had a quick temper.

My brother’s father was an alcoholic and committed suicide while my mother was pregnant with him.

My brother is an alcoholic. He also likes to gamble. He goes through periods where he thinks he’s King of the World and is extremely cocky. He also has periods of depression where he isolates himself, drinks and listens to his favorite music really, really, loud. He has bouts of anger which has led to physical altercations from a young age. He has refused to see anyone.

I am an alcoholic. I have been in remission for almost 10 years. I am also Bipolar and have Social Anxiety. I drank for over 20 years with people I normally never would’ve kept company with. It caused a lot of damage physically and emotionally.

When my brother met his wife he was so in love. The entire family loved her. But we also knew how my brother could be. He was prone to jealousy and self-sabotage. It wasn’t long before there were problems.

We tried to convince her to leave him. She refused. When he asked her to marry him we tried again to get her to leave him. She refused. There’s only so many times you can warn a person. When someone’s own mother begs you not to marry her son I think you should listen.

They drank and smoked pot together often. They were together 7 years before having their first child. I knew by the time she was 2 years old that there would be problems.

My sister in law stopped drinking but still smoked pot. They fought constantly. There was never enough money. Baby number 2 was on the way.

I can’t count the number of times my sister in law called us crying about my brother. I can’t count the number of times my mom had to go to their house and calm things down or pick up my sister in law and the kids on the side of the road because my brother was drunk and she refused to be in the car with him. She also called for money. Baby number 3 was on the way. She still wouldn’t leave.

Their oldest daughter started to self harm at 14. She then started drinking and using drugs. She was a heroin addict by 17.

Their middle daughter started to self harm at 13. She started drinking and using heroin by 16.

In the beginning of April she overdosed in an apartment with 3 other people. The paramedics were already there helping the other 3 that had overdosed. This will be her 7th time in detox and rehab. I don’t think I’ve ever cried so hard in my life.

Both of my brother’s daughters have been diagnosed with mental illnesses. Both became heroin addicts. The oldest one has been clean for a few years now but the middle one is slipping through cracks. Her mother chose the “tough love” route with her which I don’t agree with at all.

My brother is divorced now and I don’t even know how much he sees his children. His 20 year old overdoses, it makes it on to the news, and he’s no where to be found.

I have offered to help with her numerous times but my sister in law won’t allow it.

Who knows more than someone who has been where she is? Someone with 10 years of sobriety and mental illness?

The people she has been seeing are not treating her mental illness AND addiction. They’re only treating the addiction and that’s the problem. They are not asking why she feels the need to be numb, or what was it that made her start in the first place.

If it wasn’t for Narcan I would be attending her funeral. Something has to give.reverse-drug-overdose_copy


ELVIS AND ME

elvis-presley

 

Every Saturday morning as a child I watched Elvis movies. My Mom loved Elvis. She played his music often. My mom didn’t hold anything back from us. She told me that my sister and I were conceived to an Elvis song. I’ll spare you the rest of story like I wish she had spared me! That’s how she was. Honest about everything and usually laughing.

I know the words to almost all of Elvis’s songs but I have a hard time listening to them since my mom passed away. It will be 10 years in February. It’s the one date I don’t forget. I can’t remember my sober date or when I was diagnosed Bipolar and everything else but I remember the day she died.

I wish I could’ve told her about the time W and I met an Elvis impersonator at the Casino. He was so handsome, better looking than the original Elvis. We were there to see Motley Crue but somehow ended up at the Clamshack drinking beer, eating fries and clam chowder.

When I spotted him I thought he was Nikki Sixx for a second. He had jet black hair and the bluest eyes. His manager was with him. He sat down next to us and ordered chowder. We didn’t oyster crackers but he did and they were gigantic for some reason. Of course me being drunk I commented on his overly large crackers and he laughed. We spent the next 5 hours hanging out with Elvis.

Turns out he had just come from the dressing rooms and had met Nikki Sixx, he was also a fan. We had already seen them in concert several times so we didn’t mind missing out to hear Elvis’s stories.

My mom would’ve loved it. She would’ve hated that I was drunk but I would’ve left that part out. It was a rare night where W and I just laughed and had fun. No one got hurt, no one cried, no one was arrested. When I say “No one” I mean me.

I miss my mom and I miss the times with W that were fun. But I guess we were supposed to grow up. One of us did. The other never had the tools to do so. She still doesn’t.


LETTERS BETWEEN SISTERS (1st Letter)

I love my twin sister more than she will ever know. We had a fight on the phone where she hung up on me. I decided to write an E-mail to her because I was stuttering and not making sense.

MY E-MAIL

D, I’m sorry for this morning. There’s a lot you don’t know. I decided not to tell you along with Mom and Dad. They knew from an early age that something was different about me. When I started to bang my head to soothe my anxiety they argued about taking me to a Doctor. I hadn’t even started school yet. Mom was afraid. She didn’t want to see me institutionalized like her brother and sister. They decided against it.

It was difficult growing up side by side and seeing the differences. I would watch you, standing from outside, at our Birthday parties. You could talk and laugh with everyone and I never knew how to do that so I hid. You made it look easy I kept wondering what was wrong with me.

As we got older our relationship became worse. I noticed you never introduced me as your “twin sister” and if I told people were twins you looked annoyed. I had one friend and you had many that you didn’t want me talking to. You banned me from our 21st Birthday Party (Sorry your 21st part). I wouldn’t have went but to call me and say “you’re not allowed at my party” was hurtful. I know I wasn’t easy to be around but it didn’t help when my family treated me like a monster.

I know you were living your own life. At the same time I was dying and everyone knew it. Mom and Dad saving money for my funeral, trying to kill myself 5 times, you were in California for a few of them. One that left me with permanent nerve damage in my left hand. No one wanted to ask about what happened that night I was dropped off unconscious covered in blood. No one believed me about it because I was told “You’re a drunk and liar. We can’t trust you anymore”. Our mother never looked so happy as the day she saw you in your wedding dress and the day you told her she would be a Grandmother.

To make me feel better she had a ring made for me. When she showed it to me she said ” I had this made for because I know you probably won’t marry.” She put it away for later, when she passed no one believed she had it made for me. Again I don’t blame anyone it’s my fault my actions are my own.

I always had an idea of how sisters are supposed to be. We are not it. Maybe I watched too many movies. I know I get frustrated and lash out, I’m working on it. The hardest thing for me is after 23 medications and 18 Psychiatrists and Therapists my family still thinks I’m not trying hard enough. I love you, I will always love you no matter what because that’s who I am.stigma-quote-hp-26-1


ANESTHESIA WE WILL PLEASE YA

I have anesthesia often, it isn’t good for my brain or my heart, but I enjoy it. If possible I would stay under forever. The Doctors worry that I eventually will. I have thought of making this happen on my own but I can’t leave my Dad.

When I’m under it’s the same each time.

The sun is shining. It’s warm and breezy. I see butterflies, ladybugs, and four leaf clovers.

I see my beautiful dogs I’ve lost over the years running and playing with each other.

I see her standing there with her arms held out waiting for me.

I go to her and she hugs me tight. She whispers in my ear “My beautiful baby girl, I love you so much!” and I smell her perfume. She’s laughing and happy and I’m happy because I get to be with my Mom. The person who always listened and gave hugs.

If I wake up it all goes away. I feel empty, like something has been ripped out of me.

The Hospital I have my surgeries at knows I will wake up crying, asking for my mom and confused. Some of the staff handle it well and others not so much. Some get frustrated with me and there is no compassion. On those occasions it makes it all much worse. I wish they knew that.

It’s hard enough knowing that you have to have surgery every 4 to 5 months because you have Chronic Kidney Disease and the one kidney you have left is getting worse. They don’t have to make it more difficult by treating me like I’m invisible or a basket case.

Anyway, I got a long text from my sister last night saying she missed me and how she wanted to talk to me. Then at the end she asked if I had any pain pills.

She called this morning to “chat” and I was waiting to see how long she would put up with me. She said “So did you find anything for me? Dad is coming over to see the boys. I thought you could give it to him to bring.” I was pissed. She hasn’t talked to our Dad in 5 months. All of sudden he’s invited over, she’s acting nice to me, because she thinks I have pain pills.

I let her think that. She got nothing. She never will from me again.


DIAGNOSES~ MAKING PUZZLE PIECES FIT

Time has always been fuzzy for me. I’m never really sure when I was first diagnosed as having Bipolar Disorder or the exact date I stopped drinking. I do know my Mom passed away in 2008 and after that I spiraled faster and faster towards self-destruction.

It didn’t take long before I had a DUI, my one best friend feared for my safety, and although I’d done worse this was different.

In less than 6 months my Primary Care Doctor suggested I see a Psychiatrist. She had been prescribing me antidepressants but thought something else was going on.

I was drinking almost the entire time I was taking antidepressants. I gave them a month and when nothing changed I couldn’t handle it. Alcohol was mostly a stimulant for me.

The Psychiatrist looked at my file and asked me a few questions. He diagnosed me as Bipolar I and we started trying different combos.

WHAT SHOULD’VE BEEN DONE

  • I was never given a Mental Status Exam.
  • I was never given a Neurologic Exam.
  • I was never given a CT, MRI, or EEG.
  • A full family history was never taken.

The biggest thing that should’ve been done is a family history.

I would always tell every Doctor I met with that my family has a history of mental illness. None of them wanted details.

Even the psychiatrist I have now has never asked for a detailed family history. He should have. It’s possible he has a few things wrong.

MY FAMILY HISTORY

I love most of my family very much but some of them I could do without. I don’t know my father’s side very well. They’re like him, not sociable or outgoing. They don’t show emotions or give hugs.

My Mom’s side is the opposite. They’re loud, affectionate, emotional, and all have some kind of issue.

There were 8 children total on my Mom’s side, one was given up for adoption before the others were born.

My Grandmother was never diagnosed with anything but I can give examples of behavior that point to something. She did drink occasionally. When she did she was like a sailor, playing cards and knife games. She could be cruel, deliberately pitting one child against another for her affection. She left them for awhile when they were all very young. My Mom quit school very early to help take care of her brothers and sisters.

Like many mothers, her sons were her favorites unless they were damaged. My Uncle Jimmy was in a car accident which left him in a coma for a short time. When he woke up he was different. It didn’t help that some friends slipped LSD into his drink in too large of a quantity. He became a different person and was left for the State to deal with. Drug induced Schizophrenia that became worse over the years with hallucinations. He was homeless and used Heroin to self medicate. He passed away from complications of pneumonia AIDS related.

My Aunt D was diagnosed as Paranoid Schizophrenic at a young age also. She had just had a baby. She left the baby with my Mom and was Institutionalized. She has been in and out of places for as long as I can remember. She was recently in the Hospital for Lithium toxicity. Her daughter disappeared a few years ago. She started hearing things and believing people were following her. She was living in a tent in the woods somewhere in Florida. No one has heard from her in 3 years.

My Uncle B is an alcoholic and as far as I know that’s it. His daughter has recently had problems with her mental health. I haven’t been told what the diagnosis is. I was told some of the situations she had been in and they sounded familiar. His son is an alcoholic.

My Auntie J is an alcoholic in remission for a few years now. I’m sure there are other things going on but I don’t ask. Her daughters have both had issues with alcohol.

My Mom had a virus while pregnant with my sister and I, women infected with the influenza virus during their pregnancy are more likely to give birth to children who will develop Schizophrenia.

My older brother is an alcoholic and addicted to gambling. I’m told he was polite and quiet as a child. I remember him always getting into fights at school and eventually he was expelled. He’s done many things that rational people don’t do. He was stationed in Germany while in the Army and decided one day he hated it and hopped on a plane and came home. He caused a 2 hour car chase in the middle of the night going the wrong way on a highway. He was married with children at this point. He’s impulsive, too smart, can’t hold a job and it’s never his fault. Both of his daughters are drug addicts. One has been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and PTSD. The other I don’t know about because no one talks to me about her. 

The brains of Schizophrenics also contain larger fluid filled areas than other people. I happen to have this in one area of my brain.

There’s also the problem of reduced brain volume (Gray Matter) which on my last scan 10 years ago it said “significant loss of gray matter for patient’s age”. There was also loss of white matter which is connected also.

SCHIZOAFFECTIVE DISORDER

Schizoaffective Disorder is a hybrid of Schizophrenia and Bipolar Disorder. There is a chemical imbalance in the brain. There are usually different types of the disorder.

Similar to Bipolar Disorder, Schizoaffective Disorder can have a Manic Type and a Depressive Type.

Manic Type: Elevation of mood, not sleeping much, concentration is affected, talking too fast, unrealistic ideas. In later stages speech can be incomprehensible. You become irritable and neglect your health.

Depressive Type: Sad all the time, lose interest in what you once loved, loss of motivation/energy, taking care of your personal appearance or hygiene. Irrational anger or fearful response to loved ones. Increasing withdrawal from society.

There is a third type mentioned where you have both. It’s considered Bipolar Schizoaffective Disorder. This doesn’t make sense to me but what do I know?

For some reason more women than men are affected and with women it’s usually the Depressive Type.

Early onset or having a family member with Schizophrenia usually leads to a poor prognosis.

Now I wonder if Doctors have it wrong once again. Looking at my history and seeing that Schizophrenia shows up often and I had a virus in my brain while my mother was still pregnant with me, it would make more sense. I don’t think I’ve heard voices. I have had a hallucination or two brought on by medications, alcohol and I think nearly dying when my kidneys failed. Do those count?

What I know is that I’m not getting better. I’m going backwards. I was better a few years ago.

Now, I don’t leave the house, no one talks to me, I’m isolated, I do get crazy ideas but it’s ok because I’m too afraid to act on them. I want to get dressed up and go to a concert but I can’t. I want to fly to Vegas, L.A., N.Y., but I can’t. It would mean leaving the house. Expending energy to pack and do my hair and make up. Judas Priest is coming to the Casino and I usually go. I’ve never been as a thin person. I could wear whatever I want. Even that isn’t enough to get me going. The lead singer for Buckcherry is coming to Providence and I love him. He’s a mash up of Denis Leary and Steven Tyler. It’s a small place and the tickets would be free. Guess what? I don’t feel like it.

RIDICULOUS!schizophrenia-5-638


WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS OF ADDICTION

No one wants to be an addict or an alcoholic. There’s always an underlying reason for the choice we make to keep using or drinking. I had several reasons. They are in no way excuses but explanations.

Lately there have been an overwhelming amount of people coming forward to tell their stories of sexual harassment, assault, rape, and physical abuse by people that are either famous or somewhat known. This is a good start.

There’s an element to one of these cases that isn’t discussed.

The fact that the two people involved were addicts in a relationship.

I’m not condoning anything or taking sides. I want that understood.

What I am saying is based on my own experience.

When I was drunk I was aggressive at times and I would start fights with men. Mostly because I knew they didn’t find me attractive. This wasn’t their fault it was my extremely low self esteem and possibly my undiagnosed Bipolar Disorder.

Your average woman doesn’t punch a guy in the face because he refuses her advances.

I also think I had sex with men that were too drunk to consent. This is hard to admit but I know I did this once. The person was someone I was close to and it ruined our friendship for awhile then worse things happened and we were close again.

I’ve been beaten badly while drunk. I’ve had sex during a blackout on several occasions so that would be I guess without my consent.

The person I have hated for years who did the most damage is an alcoholic/drug user who I drank with daily. I never wanted to forgive him.

The problem is I was just as bad as he was. The only difference is I stopped drinking over 9 years ago. I admitted the damage I had done to other people and myself. He still thinks he did nothing wrong. He thinks this way because he still drinks.

Drinking and drug abuse stunts you emotionally and your maturity. You don’t grow up when you’re using or drinking. You stay the same age you were when you started. If you started at 16 then you have a 16 year old boy’s mentality. I’m not making this up.

I never grew up. There were so many “adult” things I didn’t know how to do when I stopped drinking. I never had to do them.

When two addicts/alcoholics are in a relationship I can tell you from experience horrible things are going to be said and done. At the time you don’t think it’s that bad. It’s only years later when you’ve stopped using and have some clarity that you realize how wrong everything was.

I’m still working on forgiveness and I’m sure there are a few people who can’t forgive me. Not the people I drank with because they all still drink or they’re dead but my family.

I do understand the places alcohol took me. Physically and emotionally. These are places I never want to visit again. I have to accept my part in the things that went on then. I’ve made my amends to those I needed to but all of it still haunts me.

I know this because I have “drunk dreams” once in awhile to remind me. I hate those nights but they serve a purpose.

I hope I’m making sense and not offending people.6-addiction-emotions-3


TOP 50 HORROR MOVIES 19-15

The count continues with a film I could talk about for hours.

  • 19) Bram Stoker’s Dracula~ 1992 Director: Francis Ford Coppola Cast: Gary Oldman Keanu Reeves~ Despite some of the acting by specific actors the opening scene more than makes up for it. Filled with love, grief and fury it shows the reasoning behind Dracula’s transformation, his renouncement of God. Tom Waits as Renfield is genius.
  • 18) You’re Next~ 2011 A somewhat more original story that was needed at the time. A woman goes with her boyfriend to his parent’s wedding anniversary at their vacation home. Strangers attack the home but as guests die the girlfriend starts to piece it together. No one knew her background and they’re in for a surprise.
  • 17) Frailty~ 2001 Director: Bill Paxton Cast: Bill Paxton Matthew McConaughey~ I love this movie because you’re not sure if the religiously fanatic father is losing his mind and mistreating his children or if there’s any truth to what he believes. In the end you find out for sure. Rare for a film.
  • 16) The Devil’s Backbone~ 2001 Guillermo del Toro~ It’s easy to over think a film and with this one many have. Some believe the film to be a metaphor for the rise of Fascism in Spain. I saw an orphaned boy, traumatized and uncomfortable in his own skin in an orphanage haunted by a boy who died there previously. Guillermo always does haunting, beautiful films that I usually find myself shedding at least one tear at.
  • 15) The Thing~ 1982 Director: John Carpenter Cast: Kurt Russell~ A research station in Antarctica goes to check on a nearby station where they find all of them missing or dead. They do find the remains of something the station tried to destroy. I’m not a fan of Sci-Fi Horror but I love this one. It has a lot of jump factors and the tension between the characters as they begin to distrust one another keeps you watching.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


THE BIGGER PICTURE~ ADDICTION

Is addiction a problem? Yes, it is. But the bigger problem being ignored is why are people turning to drugs and alcohol?

Rebecca Farley David Vice President for policy and advocacy at the National Council for Behavioral Health says more than half of people with Substance Abuse disorders also suffer from depression, anxiety, or another mental illness. Treatment should address both issues.

Rarely does this happen. I know firsthand that this rarely happens. Because of this I went undiagnosed for 27 years. No one should have to wait that long for help or be treated like they don’t matter.

The top leading causes of Death in the U.S. as of May 5, 2017 were the following:

  • Heart Disease- 616,067
  • Cancer- 562,875
  • Stroke- 135,952
  • Chronic Lower Respiratory Disease- 127,924
  • Accident- 123,706
  • Alzheimer’s- 74,632
  • Influenza or Pneumonia- 52,717
  • Kidney Disease- 46,448
  • Suicide- 44,193

What’s missing from this list?

Drug overdoses.

We have a bigger Mental Health problem that leads to self-medicating and addiction. This is what needs to be addressed.

I’ve attempted suicide several times, I’m an alcoholic in remission for over 9 years, I have Bipolar Disorder, Conversion Disorder and Social Phobia. I also have Kidney Disease. All of this is scary but it makes me realize I have to try harder to live life.

2016-02-05 18_52_26-FastStats - Leading Causes of Death

This is last years list I couldn’t find an image to download of the May 2017 list.


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