Getting Back To Me

Today wasn’t so bad. I only cried a little and that was because I was stuck on the bathroom floor. I ate too much and one of the things I ate was Alfredo sauce. Dairy is no longer my friend. My stomach isn’t used to large quantities of food so I was very nauseous. After being sick all my energy was spent. So that’s how I wound up on the floor.

The doctor’s appointment yesterday was a waste of time. There are still no answers as to why my kidneys failed but one good thing is that it isn’t cancer of my kidneys, bladder or ureters. I have to see another doctor though. I expected as much. My dad went with me even though he couldn’t hear half of what was being said. It was still good to have him there.

I have decided to cut my sister some slack. This is the only way we can have a relationship. I have come to realize that she has a lot to deal with herself and I certainly don’t make things easier. This doesn’t excuse some of the things she says but I know she loves me. She called last night to apologize for some of what she has said and told me what she has been dealing with. Finally a two sided conversation. Baby steps.

I’m still sad, worried and anxious. Those feelings will always be there. I’m trying to tame them down as best as I can. Some days I won’t be able to and I need to accept that. I also need to stop and think that it’s just one day and hopefully tomorrow will be better.

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