YOU DO KNOW THAT PEOPLE DON’T REALLY LIKE YOU, RIGHT?

For some strange unknown reason, I have heard this or something similar, from more than one person in 43  years. This includes my twin sister.

I was either too quiet and made it difficult for people to start a conversation with. Or I was too loud and obnoxious for some people.

There were times when I would witness someone do something I didn’t like when I was sober. When I saw that same person while I was drunk I could be sharp, sarcastic, and cruel. I became hardened to almost everything. If a “feeling” happened, I drank it away. Eventually you can only swallow so many feelings before you’re full. Then what happens? You break down little by little or all at once.

I knew the people who used me for money, sex, a car ride, booze, whatever. I also knew who didn’t. But there were some that I was good at fooling myself about. I knew, but chose to block it out. I regret this to a point.

There are still many people who don’t like me for one reason or another. I spend most of my time alone. But all anyone has to do is see or hear a few key words and their minds are made up.

I won’t lie. I can be touchy about certain things. If anyone says or does anything to my dad I will get angry. Same goes for my sister and my nephews. If someone wants to come at me about specific subjects without even trying to see both sides, than I have no use or pity for you. So I’m probably not easy to be around all the time. Who is?

I can’t stop thinking about a few people that were always there for me and are not now. The only person that has ever held me hurt me the most. I have not talked to or seen him in many years. The only person who has said she loves me no matter what besides my mom, is never around.

So what does like have to do with it? Where does it leave you?