BLOCKED, BANNED, DISMISSED, AND ILLNESS.

There’s nothing I find more cowardly and vile than blocking someone from Social Media. I’ve seen certain semi famous people do it for no reason other than the person was unattractive. Why couldn’t you just leave them on and just not interact with them? The guy wasn’t saying anything malicious or threatening he just wasn’t the same as everyone else.

I don’t think people understand the hurt they cause when they do these things. I’ve been blocked and banned from more bars than I can remember, it was embarrassing when I went to one I had forgotten about in ANOTHER STATE! But the difference is I had deserved to be thrown out and banned. At times my drinking was appalling. I remember letting J throw darts at an apple on my head. Not one of my shining moments. I would get into fights also.

I feel the need to make it clear that when I was violent towards someone else it was when I was drinking and 98% of the time there was jealousy and a guy involved. I usually chose to hit the guy because I had a death wish and I was always bigger than the girl. It doesn’t make it right but it had nothing to do with Mental Illness. Insecurity about my appearance and the inability to think that any man could love me, definitely.

The social media thing just seems so much more hurtful. I’ve been hurt by it. It took months to get past it. I have re learn the lesson every 6 months because I forget. I wish I didn’t but my brain has a way of doing that. I get sucked in to someone’s story that I relate to and think that they would relate to me. I never said I was smart.

Changing the subject I woke up on my stomach this morning. I never really do that. When I went to get off the bed my back seized up. I was stuck for 10 minutes. I think having that much pressure on my stents set something out alignment in my back. I’m crooked today and not able to walk well.

Malnutrition is the reason why I am not absorbing my medications correctly. I’m at 140 pounds now, I’ve gained weight just not the vitamins or minerals your body needs to survive. Because of my Kidney Disease and Celiac Disease I don’t get the nutrition I need.

There’s one problem. I don’t care anymore. I’m past caring about anything. I wanted to work with animals when I was little. When I grew older I became obsessed with the Music and Movie industry. How did I wind up spending most of my days alone coloring and crying?

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