I have no friends because I discuss my health issues too much. No one wants to hear you when you’re down. I’m too negative. I talk too much. I repeat myself. I talk about things no one else wants to talk about like, movies, books, animals, the news. WTF is left? The weather, food and kids.
I have saved conversations that I have had with people on FB. I did this to reassure myself that I wasn’t doing what I was being accused of doing. I looked back at them and the only time I brought up health was when I was asked. Granted my public posts would be information on mental health, animal advocacy (not a PETA or Humane Society fan) and Anti-Trafficking. Also art I like and my jewelry. I know I lost some people with the art and Advocating for Mental Health and that’s too bad. When I received an anonymous post on FB showing what looked like homeless men and women on an island, and saying I should be sterilized and sent to an island I was devastated. I realized then that a lot people didn’t care.
I talk to one person on FB out of 75. He’s not family but I have known him for about 15 years. I have cousins, Aunts and Uncles that do not talk to me on FB. Even when I was in the hospital recently in serious condition, they never called or anything. I’m pretty disgusted. My sister won’t talk to me about it anymore.
I try so hard to make sure I bring up topics that the other person is interested in. It’s like pulling teeth sometimes. I have anxiety and Social Phobia to begin with but I still try. To be told why people don’t want to be friends with me and in the same breath that I have to make new ones is overwhelming. This conversation was with my sister. My twin. The one who can’t understand the incredible ache in my chest she causes. I never feel like I do anything right. I want to run and hide. I want to curl up into a ball and pretend I don’t exist.