WHY ARE THERE SO MANY RULES?

In case you didn’t know I have not dated in over 10 years.

I wasn’t really looking to when I moved to a new state but I met someone unexpectedly. Finding someone with the same sense of humor, taste in music, and is easy to talk to (in person), is rare for me. Looks have never been as important to me as laughing and a good hug is. That being said the man I met happens to be extremely attractive. I thought I would have to call 911 for my Aunt when I showed her a picture of him. (insert laughter here)

I found out pretty fast that I wasn’t as good at texting/messaging as I am in person.

If I can’t see a person’s eyes and facial expressions I will overthink every little word/sentence that is sent to me. Who knew this would cause so many problems? Who knew there are so many likes/dislikes, pet peeves, and rules for texting!

For anyone else that is as confused as I am I have compiled information from various “love experts”, psychologists, and surveys. Take it all with a grain of salt or you’ll end up depressed and confused for days, weeks, months, maybe even years.

MEN’S PET PEEVES

1. Initiating boring conversation: Supposedly a red flag for men giving them the impression that this is the best you have to offer. The advice given is to talk about things you’re passionate about. (I don’t think talking about mental health, stigma, bullying, or why serial killers do what they do is going to help me)
2. Texting more than they do especially about things that don’t matter. (How are you supposed to know what matters unless you ease into it with small talk first?)
3. NOT texting as much as they do or barely replying. It’s a blow to their ego. (Umm…WTF?)
4. Responding with vague answers. Allegedly men just want clear cut answers. (So would I!)
5. Ignoring compliments or deflecting them. They see it as a sign of insecurity. (First of all I am insecure and second I’m also humble.)
6. Complaining about when they’ve “seen” your text but didn’t reply right away. According to a survey you are ALLOWED to question them about it 24 hours after your last text. (thanks for your permission)
7. Frequently sending “missent” messages. Apparently they know what you’re up to. (Because of my kidneys my vision changes frequently and some profile pics look the same so I have done this at least once)
8. Forcing them to reply at work. The only time it’s okay is if he’s not doing anything important. (Because I’m psychic?)
9. Using one word answers. (Personally I think men do this way more than women)
10. Bad grammar- One study showed that most men are turned off by incorrect spelling and using contractions wrong. (This is actually a pet peeve of mine but I’ve rarely received messages where the person’s grammar is perfect)
11. Using ALL CAPS. They perceive it as shouting.
12. No more than 3 texts in a row if he doesn’t answer after the first one. Don’t keep messaging without waiting for an answer.
13. Really long texts. They will probably only be glanced at before he puts his phone away. (How am I supposed to talk about topics that I’m passionate about in one sentence?)
14. Asking “aren’t you going to text me back?!”. It sounds clingy. (it also sounds one step from “I won’t be ignored Dan!” from Fatal Attraction.)

I’ll let you absorb this while I work on the Statistics and Emojis conundrum.

TO BE CONTINUED….