Tag Archives: Suicide Prevention

WORLD SUICIDE PREVENTION DAY (The Problem With Known Spokespeople)

We need to talk about suicide and suicide prevention but I believe it has to be done in a responsible way and with great care.

It’s good when a person who is well known can admit they have a mental health issue and try to help others.

What isn’t helpful is when they imply or give the illusion that they are “all better” because they ate the right foods, exercised, meditated, and have God helping them.

A large percentage of people with Bipolar Disorder or Schizophrenia have a tendency to develop Body Dysmorphic Disorder and focus strongly on Religion. I have seen this in my own family and it might be one of the many reasons it bothers me the way it does.

My Auntie Donna wouldn’t eat for days and would let expensive food rot in her refrigerator until there were maggots that were so bad they escaped the fridge and were on the ceiling. It was my Mom who had paid for the food and the both of us that had gone to check up on her. It wasn’t the best experience I’ve ever had, the smell would’ve knocked you over but my Aunt was used to it. She was skin and bones and obsessed with “getting fat”. She never hesitated to say something hurtful and mean about my weight every time she saw me. This would alternate with Religion and her obsession with thinking her Doctors were trying to kill her to this day. My Mom only got a break from this when she passed away.

I’ve met more than my share of mentally ill religious people who remind me of the Alcoholic who replaces one addiction with another.

When a person has 100,000 followers or more and isn’t truthful about recently having a Manic/Depressive Episode that was pretty bad but instead publicly states “positivity, positive people, the right diet, exercise and Faith/God” is what saves him it’s irresponsible.

How many people who are looking for any way to feel better will go off medications, won’t go to a professional for help, and follow this thinking instead? What happens if they are severely ill with hallucinations or hear voices but think if they eat right, exercise and go to Church everything will be fine? I can tell you nothing good will happen.

You can’t have an event with celebrities who are not willing to be honest or give correct information because we will lose more people.

Isn’t it bad enough that on average we will die 20 years younger than everyone else because Primary Care Doctors are biased against us and don’t take our physical symptoms seriously? We are not having our medications monitored on a regular enough basis so severe side effects are not being caught in time. The staff in physical health services judge us as soon as our mental illness is disclosed right on down to the secretary. This is all fact. More needs to be done about Integrated Care but if we keep fooling ourselves, listening to false information, refusing to advocate for ourselves or research or own diagnosis than nothing will change.

On another note I want to talk about Chris Cornell. His writing was brilliant and so was his voice. He had beautiful eyes with a smile to match. But you can’t tell me I was the only one to notice the times his eyes were manic, his smile fake, his lyrics telling a story of depression and anxiety just like his body language did. He would often tap his foot or bounce his leg, he paced back and forth, when he would sit he would rock back and forth sometimes holding his head in his hand. Then there were times where he was still, quietly staring at nothing with a blank expression on his face. I recognize all of this I’ve seen it often because they are all things I’ve been told that I do and have done since a young age.

He was pulled out of rehab to make the video for “Cochise” and if you watch it you can see it wasn’t a good time. The scream he does in that song is visceral and cuts right through me. I don’t know about conspiracy theories but I do know he was someone who struggled immensely and suffered greatly all you have to do is understand the lyrics to see that and feel that. The people around him failed him in many ways, I do believe that 1 or 2 were trying to intervene towards the end but maybe it was too late or they didn’t realize how serious the situation had become. He wasn’t a coward, he was a human being with a lot of pain that most people will never understand unless you have been there. I still think about him everyday and listen to a song, I’m trying to do it less and less because it isn’t healthy for me. It’s difficult when there was someone who understood so much about you without even knowing you. When your own family is tired of trying to understand and have lost their sympathy/empathy and you no longer have friends to confide in.

Yes, I’m still here. I love my Dad he has been there for me in the past when no one else was. I wouldn’t have over 9 years of sobriety without him. I won’t put him through the kind of grief a suicide brings. He already blames himself for my illnesses and believes if he had gotten me the help I needed when he and my mom first suspected something wasn’t right I would be okay. The truth is back then they didn’t know much and it probably wouldn’t have made a difference. He was afraid they would institutionalize me and I was only 8/9 years old. My Mom had already seen what that does to a person with her brother and sister and refused to take me to a doctor. I don’t blame either one of them. Both of them loved me and that’s enough.

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BULLYING AND SUICIDE PREVENTION

On the homepage of my computer was a story today about a 9 year old boy. He was from West Virginia. Normally my eyes would’ve passed right by if it wasn’t for the fact that he resembled my nephew. Because of this I went on to read the story. Part of me wishes I hadn’t.

On September 10, 2016 it was National Suicide Prevention Day. It was also the day this adorable 9 year old boy was found hanging in his room. He was dead when his sister found him.

The boy’s biological grandmother had guardianship of him. She says that he was often bullied at school but handled it with humor or if he really had to he would fight. Recently though he had become more withdrawn than usual. His grandmother tried to get him to open up to her but he wouldn’t.

The school says the family never reported the bullying. They’re still “looking into it”.

His hair is dark blond, he has a too large forced grin on his face and there is something in his eyes that I recognize. There is a look of suppressed anger, despair and resignation.

Society sees bullying with boys in a different way. When my brother was younger and bullied by older kids in the neighborhood he was expected to fight back. If he didn’t he was told that it would just get worse. One day 5 of them came to our house. I remember it was snowing. My brother was about 13 at the time but was already taller and bigger than the children around him. The problem was my mother had taught him to be polite and respectful. Unfortunately other parents had not done the same. It had gotten so bad that to this day I can’t watch Full Metal Jacket without thinking of my brother and what he went through. I feel sick. But on this one day everything changed. Those 5 boys left on their hands and knees wondering what the hell had just happened. They had unleashed a monster that could never be put back. I hate to say it but my father helped. These “boys” were older and bigger and brought sticks, belts, and socks filled with rocks. 5 against 1 mind you. It was because he was so much bigger and older looking but never used his size that they singled him out. It sounds absurd but it was true. It was all downhill for him from there.

Once he realized his new found power he used it constantly to intimidate everyone around him. His teachers were frightened of him and my father felt defensive. My mother always had the attitude ” I brought you into this world I can take you out”. Not helpful. He was difficult to live with. He’s still a bully. 

I was also bullied. In a small way after taking it for so many years I became like my brother. This was only when I drank. I never could’ve done it sober. That’s the sad part. Even now I can’t stand up for myself and I’ve been sober for years. I’ve joked to my bestfriend after someone has hurt me that I was going to the bar to do a couple of shots, then going back to tell them off. She knows I won’t and understands how difficult it is for me. But we can at least laugh about it.

My nephew was bullied last year. He’s the smallest in his class. Another child hit him as hard as he could between his shoulder blades. My nephew threw up and had a bruise in the shape of a hand. He started having stomach problems, nightmares, and didn’t want to go to school at all. The child that hit him has behavioral problems and has an adult that supposedly supervises him in the classroom at all times. This is in addition to the teacher. I would like to know where both of them were. His problems are due to the fact that his parents are in the middle of a divorce, his mother is an alcoholic with mental health issues, and neither spends any actual time with him.

I can’t blame the children. These behaviors are learned. To drive another child into feeling so hopeless that their only choice is to remove themselves from this world is deplorable.

I know there has to be a solution. I just don’t see a solution to a problem that has been happening since the dawn of the time, happening soon. That doesn’t mean we do nothing in the mean time.10153640_10151988208565685_8901309243108819210_n


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