Tag Archives: Stupidity

No Way! People Have It Worse Than Me??

 

 

Did you know there are children starving in Africa? Did you know women get Breast Cancer? I’M A WOMAN! How come no one told me this? I have breasts. They might be small but I think they can still get Cancer. I think we also want Peace in The Middle East or something. There are also a lot of people with no arms and legs I hear. There must be because someone said “there are people who have it a lot worse than you, people with missing arms and legs, women with Breast Cancer, starving children in Africa, so why do you get away with all your bullshit?”.

I didn’t know I was getting away with anything. If you call Hospitalizations, wanting to die, almost dying, being alone 80% of the time, finding out all this time your meds probably haven’t been working, neither are your kidneys, owing large amounts of money to Doctors you don’t have, crying constantly while being dehydrated with a migraine, and having your dad kick you out of the house everyday, getting away with something than ok I’m guilty assholes.

THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK. It seems society has forgotten how to do this. They have also forgotten how to listen and be discreet. If I happen to be at your house for a Birthday Party and you offer me an Alcoholic Beverage and I decline, leave it at that. DO NOT SAY “OH, THAT’S RIGHT YOU’RE AN ALCOHOLIC OR IS IT BECAUSE OF YOUR MEDS?”. This makes me want to punch you in the face in front of your children. Mostly because they will probably grow up to be just like you. Did I mention she was smiling the entire time she said what she did? Almost like she knew the answers but wanted to see what I would say. Of course my sister said I was being “paranoid” and that it was just a stupid mistake. Uhhh……….NOPE!

She was like that in high school and she’s like that now. Why do I have to be the only one who notices? It’s a burden because no one believes me except my best friend. She believes in my ability to sometimes be more “aware” of things and people. I can read a situation sometimes and just know something funky is going on. My best friend has seen it many times. Reading people’s faces is sometimes something I’m good at. Just not when it comes to men I like. I’m lying, I knew what they were I just didn’t care.

What I hate is that Society would think I am so unaware and stupid I don’t know people have it worse than me. Of course I do. That isn’t the point. The point is how my brain works. People with Cancer sometimes receive treatment and get better, people without arms and legs sometimes receive prosthetics that enable them to run or live normal lives, starving children and war I can’t comment on. I have an Illness that will be with me for the rest of my life. I’ve been told that I will get progressively worse as I get older because I went undiagnosed for so long and some coexisting diagnoses make it harder to treat. Medications have not been working on me so it’s a constant struggle with myself to STAY ALIVE AND SOBER.

My brain tells me when I wake up, you’re nothing, no one wants you, you have nothing and never will, you’ll never have children, no man has ever loved you only used you because YOU ARE WORTHLESS. This is all before my feet hit the floor. Then the flashes will start like a loop. My hair saturated in blood, my mother’s lifeless eyes with foam coming out of her mouth while nurses laugh, blood on my wrists and a voice saying “you can’t even do that right you fat bitch”, drowning in my own blood and not caring, my mom holding my face telling me she loves me, hundreds of pictures taped to the walls that cut me to the bone, standing alone at the car wash crying and scared. It never ends. I try to occupy my mind with other things to push them out.

And then just when I think I’m ok a loud noise, a slamming of the door and I start stuttering and I’m ashamed. I have to get home. Sometimes home is the problem and there is no place to go. This is when I just suffer quietly as I can. So, who has it worse?

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Did You Know Essential Oils Cure Bipolar Disorder?

I like to browse Pinterest. I look at recipes, art, Bipolar information, pretty much everything. When I see numerous articles about essential oils and diets that “cure” Bipolar Disorder I get pissed off. If it was that easy so many of us wouldn’t be struggling.

Let’s discuss my good pals the FDA. They really have no control over any of this. They don’t have the manpower and there isn’t any money in it for them so the only time they get involved is if a class action lawsuit is brought against the company or someone is seriously injured or dies.

It’s the same with how they regulate generic medications. Basically they don’t. That’s why most of them do not work the same as the name brand and the companies still use gluten as a binder even though they say they don’t.

I have to pay more for name brand medications and get a note from my Dr. saying I have to get the name brand because of an allergy. My insurance still fights me tooth and nail on this. They have refused to pay for some of them and that leaves me paying out of pocket.

To mislead the public into thinking natural remedies can cure Mental Illness disgusts me. Lavender oil, Oregano oil, whatever, isn’t going to do a thing for me.

I know there is a movement against medication. That is their right. I have the right to disagree. I have researched this illness up, down, and sideways. I have tried so many medications and ECT. Believe me if I thought there was another alternative I would gladly accept it. There isn’t.

I have family members who like to go off their meds. You know where it gets them? One goes back to heroin. One hears voices and hallucinates and ultimately gets committed. It’s the same thing every time. It effects everyone around them. The one with the heroin also self harms. It is difficult for me to hear when this happens. She’s my niece and I love her. She refuses to talk to me. We have not spoken in years. I called her out on her drug use when she stole my mother’s pain pills when she was dying. Everyone said “No she wouldn’t do that”. I went into her purse and got her compact. The pills were hidden underneath the mirror. I’ve been around addicts most of my life and I’m an alcoholic. I know how the game is played. She never forgave me. Maybe I should have handled things differently but it was a stressful time. I did the best I could.

So my opinion is stay on your meds. If they are not working talk to your doctor and change them. Sometimes it takes years to find the right combination or there could be an underlying problem where you are not absorbing them. Keep asking questions. Keep trying. That’s all I can say.


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