Tag Archives: Self-esteem

DRESS CODES AT CONCERTS (Insert Snort Laugh Here)

The music industry is what it is. Not everyone in it is there because they have natural talent and instinct. Some are mostly smoke and mirrors, kind of like me most days. When the illusion is gone, stripped down, they can’t write music, lyrics, sing without having their voices tweaked, play acoustically or engage a crowd without theatrics.


I would’ve given anything to be able to sing, wail out my pain or emptiness nightly instead of keeping it inside. Now that I no longer partake in alcohol I only sing in my car. The problem is I don’t leave the house often. I feel better when I drive around in the sun singing as loud as I can songs that make me feel alive. Other drivers probably don’t feel better but who cares? Also my car broke down over 2 weeks ago and I haven’t picked another one yet because I hate change, I really wanted to go on a vacation and spend all my money on a car, I’m worried I won’t have a place to live soon so I don’t want to take on another bill, I have a million excuses.

If I had received a letter with my Motley Crue or Aerosmith tickets that said the following:

PLEASE DO NOT WEAR: Shorts, large logos, flip flops, tank tops, crop tops, baseball hats, solid white or red clothing. We reserve the right to deny entry to anyone dressed inappropriately.

Our dress code is HIP & TRENDY as if you are going to a concert (uh, I think that’s the point), or night out with friends! The event is standing-room-only so please plan accordingly.

I should tell you that your cellphones/cameras/recording devices will be taken and locked up but you can have access to them in a specific area only.

First off I remember when W and I went to a Motley show and she had a gigantic can of hair spray in her purse. They wouldn’t let her in with it and because it was expensive (to her) she wouldn’t throw it away. I was getting pissed off we were missing the show over hair spray so I reached over, grabbed the can and chucked it in the garbage myself. She wasn’t very happy. I told her I would buy her 2 new cans but she said that wasn’t the point. I wanted to say no, the point is you should know better than to bring a large can of flammable liquid to a concert and it isn’t expensive you’re just cheap! But I said nothing.

I could never wear what other girls/women would wear to the concerts I went to. Most of it I wouldn’t have worn even if I could’ve. Some of the outfits were ridiculous. If you are a size 20 you should know a studded bra and spandex is not flattering. I say this because I was a size 20. Even at a size 14 I didn’t do it. And seeing men (?) wearing “No Fat Chicks” T-shirts was so funny! I couldn’t believe how many of those shirts I still see. I thought of making a few of my own “NO SMALL DICKS”, “NO BALD MEN”, “BE A MAN NOT PETER PAN”, when I get together with W we kind of get on a roll. Even though I’m a little underweight now that kind of constant low self esteem and body image issues stays with you.

I apologize to Arcade Fire but I have no idea who you are. I know trendy as far as hair, jewelry and clothing go and from pictures I’ve seen I’m not sure if your stylist does. You can blame Apple all you want but you did the same in 2013 so what was the excuse then? If you’re shooting a music video I can understand. All white stands out and so does all red. Having other recording devices there would be a problem also. But shorts, tank tops, crop tops (no one should be wearing crop tops unless you’ve time warped to 1989), flip flops (someone wants to risk sticky broken toes that’s their problem), large logos (again if you’re doing a video you might have to block it out or pay the company a fee) but still it’s kind of ridiculous.

These are fans who answered a question and applied for tickets and you treated them like morons who don’t know how to dress themselves.BBCF4X9

P.S. Only one person in my opinion can pull off a haircut close to this and that’s the beautifully spirited Dave Navarro who is in no way affiliated with this blog.


Proving Points

I have written about some of these topics before but they have come up again and I need to get them out somehow. My family has a hard time understanding any of it and are part of the problem.

Most of my life I have felt the need to prove I am “good enough”, “that I belong”, and I am not “worthless”. I have always felt this way and those feelings were reinforced by kids at school and sometimes family. I’ve mentioned before my twin sister and even though we are not identical aunts and uncles would get us confused. Their way of telling us apart was by me being the fat one and my sister the thin one. Even my mom would say things without thinking. Introducing my sister as the one in college with a boyfriend and turning to me and saying “oh and that’s her sister”. I never said anything, not even when I was laughed at in school and called names.

In high school I would go to parties with my best friend. My sister-in-law’s brother went to school with us and went to the same parties. He was cute and popular and so were his friends. I remember one of them mooing at me one night, my sister-in-law’s brother said nothing. I just drank more. This happened a few times until I was drunk enough to tell them off. It made things worse. I started showing up with a few guys from a new crowd that were older and bigger, they left me alone then. Problem was the new crowd was way worse.

When I went to bars I always tried to look my best even at 250 pounds. If a guy I liked was ignoring me I would drink more and act like an ass. Proving points my friend Christian called it. He also said I was proving points to people who weren’t worth it and I was hurting myself. He was right. I had been proving points my whole life.

My niece’s graduation party is soon and there will be people there I haven’t seen in a long time. They don’t know I have lost over 120 pounds and now have red hair. I mentioned wearing something nice to my sister and she got mad. She said it wasn’t my day or about me. She doesn’t understand how it feels to be at family functions constantly tugging on your clothes because you feel fat and ugly. I’m also thinner than her now it makes her mad. Where was she when I was being spit on and being called “a fat f**king pig”? She was having fun at college. She knows the humiliation I went through she just worries about herself. So I was told not to dress up or anything. My sister-in-law’s brother will be there. Did I mention he would flirt with me if we were alone? Funny. I will look my best no matter what anyone says. I’m not going to wear an evening gown or anything but I’ll try to look nice because I always did anyway. Shame on anyone that wants to take that away from me. To finally be ok with myself at 42 I think I deserve it.

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