I’ve mentioned previously that Mental Illness and Addiction is rampant on one side of my family. It’s actually quite severe. Scientists should have rounded up my grandmother, her siblings, and all offspring for a study when they had a chance. I’m certainly curious how one family could have so much illness and Addiction. Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Brothers, Sisters, Nieces and Nephews. There are only a few that are not touched by it. But even that isn’t true because they were bystanders and effected in some way. We all were. With some I am ashamed to admit it annoyed or pissed me off. Often times my mother was left to deal with her families problems starting at an early age. She quit school in I believe the 6th grade. My grandmother kept having children and one point just left. She was in and out of their lives when she felt like it or needed something. There were 7 of them. My mother the oldest. When she passed away I have to say I felt angry that they weren’t on their knees giving thanks for all she had done for them. I’m being unfair. They took a lot of her time away from her own husband and kids without a second thought. But my mother was a person who gave too much of herself to help others. So much that eventually she had nothing left for herself. She was a fixer. I have learned not everyone can or wants to be fixed. These types of people will take you down with them. If someone is genuinely in need of help and I can , I will.
Both of my nieces have addiction problems and Mental Health problems. One was addicted to heroine and is Bipolar. Her younger sister cuts herself and I am not sure what her addiction is, I have been kept out of the loop on that. She fought hard to graduate high school and there was supposed to be a family party. She relapsed and they cancelled the party. My brother ( her father ) is no help.
For the first time today I broke rules and contacted her to offer support. I’m tired of watching how things are being handled. I’ve watched my sister-in-law do it her way for years now and IT ISN’T WORKING. She is of legal age and can decide who she wants to talk to. I didn’t push, I told her some of my story and that I’m here for her. Well that beautiful little girl of mine poured her heart out. Not really but she said ” Auntie Day I’m in so much pain and I don’t think I can do it anymore”. That’s all I needed to hear to know what point she was at. I’ve been there many times. I told her so. It helped her to know. It helped her to know one relapse doesn’t mean the end. Because I’ve been there too. I’ve had a relapse where I thought screw it and kept drinking for a few more years. And one where I haven’t looked back since, 6 years ago. We need to talk more about relapsing and how it isn’t a death sentence. It feels like one at the time but it doesn’t have to be. If we take the shame and humiliation out of it there would be more success in recovery. You can’t let one bad night ruin the time you put in trying and convince you to give up. I’m so happy I talked to her and we’re having lunch over the weekend. I just hope I’m doing things the right way, with love on my side I have to be.