Tag Archives: Health

CAN I DO THIS?

I started to notice small differences in my Dad after his car accident.

He was taking a lot of medication he should not have been taking. His Doctor never explained the medication to him. You give a strong opioid to someone who never used to take so much as an aspirin.

He struck a guardrail, his front tire became stuck up on the rail and he took out 350 feet of rail. His brand new truck was destroyed, both airbags deployed, the State and Town Police came to the scene. He refused to get in the ambulance or go to the hospital.

I handled the insurance company (not easy), the State and the Town. My Dad winced every time he moved the wrong way. We argued about him seeing his Doctor and he still refused. It took several weeks to settle everything and we discussed that he should get a used truck and not a new one. He agreed.

Next thing I know he’s bought a brand new Nissan Rogue. He had it 2 days when I noticed a big dent in the back.

I told my twin sister all of this because I knew something wasn’t right. My Dad is extremely frugal. He doesn’t like to owe money and after everything was paid he wasn’t getting much from the insurance company.

My Dad also began having problems talking. He kept running out of breath. I told him the day after the accident that he could possibly get fluid in his lung from the rib I could see sticking out. He still refused to see anyone. I called his dialysis place and let them know what was going on.

We were trying to get him help with his bladder that had been ongoing for years. He was at the point where he was screaming into a towel each time he urinated.

We finally got him in to see a Urologist. My Dad insisted on going alone. They inserted a catheter for a few days so he could go back and have tests done. He was in so much pain all he could do was sit there and grit his teeth. He thought the nurse cut him while inserting the catheter.

Three days later he goes to dialysis thene24a0470e843063ac24ede8055779515 back to the Urologist for tests. When I got home he was in his chair unresponsive. I couldn’t wake him right away. When I did wake him he was confused.

He could only give me his first name, he didn’t know the day of the week, and he said the year was 2008 (this is the year my Mom passed away). I called my sister and even though he was mad I called 911.

I should also say during this entire time his weight was steadily going down which I complained to everyone about for months.

When the EMTs came they tried to ask him similar questions that he couldn’t answer. He had a fever and his vitals were all over the place. One of them said “Sepsis”.

He had been to 2 different places with plenty of doctors and nurses who had to have noticed that he was walking like he was drunk, was incoherent, confused, had a temperature, any of the above! He was driving like this!

He spent a month in the Hospital. He had a UTI, Pneumonia, a Pleural Effusion, Sepsis and weighed 127 pounds.

He spent 20 days in a Skilled Nursing Facility for Rehabilitation. He was too weak for any rehab. When my sister and I brought him home we had to half carry him in.

Most people don’t know that a UTI and Sepsis can cause a form of Dementia, there is also a type of Dementia that people on Dialysis are prone to.

I’m with my Dad 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. He didn’t want this for me but right now he’s scared. We talked about this. He didn’t want me to take care of and watch another parent die. We didn’t talk about any of this with my twin sister or anyone else.

My Dad didn’t do any paperwork. No Will, Durable Power of Attorney, nothing. He didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or cause arguments so he kept putting it off. I kept telling him I didn’t want anything that he needed to just do it. Then my brother would do something stupid and my Dad would be back at square one.

My twin said she would be with me all the way and help as much as she could.

She did for the first two weeks. Now she comes twice a week and stays 2 hours. She does do our laundry because of course we can’t go in our basement right now (don’t ask). She also insists on cooking which is tricky with my Dad. He’s become picky in the last few years.

I don’t know how he went from a vibrant 75 year old who did everything to a stooped over frail old man in diapers. One who wakes up every hour on the hour to get ready for dialysis because he can no longer tell what time it is or what day it is.

I had to explain time to a man who fixed and collected antique clocks.

There are days I want to leave and never come back.

There are days I’m so afraid I can’t swallow because of the lump in my throat.

There are days I don’t want to do this anymore.

There are days I’m so tired I can’t sleep.

And there are days I’m angry, sad, and feel alone.

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It’s Been Awhile So Get Ready!

After not really writing for awhile, I started to notice I was becoming more irritable, irrational, quick to anger, isolated and depressed.

I’ve always had a problem with confrontation. I avoid it as much as I can. This has usually meant staying silent when someone hurts me or says/does something I disagree with.

Eventually I will reach a point where I can’t swallow anymore B.S. and I reach a breaking point. Whoever is near me at this time suffers the consequences.

I can physically feel it happening. I hear my blood rushing in my ears, I lose my vision except for the color red or red dots and my head gets incredibly hot.

When it’s over, I don’t remember all of it, only bits and pieces. I know I screamed and yelled, said some horrible things, but I don’t remember the specifics.

I don’t make excuses for myself. I have tried to explain why it happens.

One of the most difficult things is when your loved ones think you aren’t trying hard enough.

When I had my last kidney surgery to change my stents, it was embedded and partially blocked with a build up of mineral and calcium deposits.

Your kidneys filter toxins from your blood and help keep your bodies chemistry in balance.

If you have 1 kidney working at 40% that has been compromised because the stent keeping it working at 40% has become embedded and blocked, your blood isn’t being filtered and your body chemistry is thrown off.

Now imagine you have an illness involving a chemical imbalance in your brain. Plus most of the medications you take go through your kidneys.

This would cause a huge problem if this went on for 6 months without you or your doctor knowing.

So when my stents were finally changed it was like starting over. I felt like I was mentally back where I was at 20 years old. My Psychiatrist didn’t adjust my medications even though he received all the reports. I was basically starting fresh but at high doses. All the medications that had been in my system I had detoxed from. One of the reasons I felt the way I did.

Starting over with all the side effects is horrendous. There have been times I just wanted to get in my car and start driving until I ran out of gas.

My Dad isn’t doing well and I’ve had to worry and take care of him. He has multiple disc herniations and bulges in his back. There’s also a compression at L4 and extreme spinal stenosis and arthritis. When I heard them ask if he knew he had several healed fractions I thought I was going to vomit.

He was too busy bragging about how many pounds of grain he can lift and carry to feed his 300 birds! He told me he got rid of almost all of them. He lied. Then continued to dig the hole deeper by boasting of all the other things he isn’t supposed to be doing.

I can’t chain him to his chair. He turned 75 on June 5th. I called and reminded my sister the night before. She NEVER CALLED HIM. On the 7th I called her and asked if she had called our Dad. She said she was going to. I asked why she didn’t do it on his actual birthday. She replied “He didn’t call me on my Birthday” That’s when the blood started rushing. In the last month she has told me 3 different times that she or her and her husband dislike my behavior and how I don’t take responsibility for anything.

I never see my sister and her husband. Since I had that 1 fight with him 4 or 5 years ago I’ve been kept at a distance. But they still bring up my “behavior”. How do you know what my behavior is when you’re never around me?

Sorry if I’m mad because once again I’m the one taking care of one of our parents and I’ll be the one that gets to watch them get worse and worse. I’ll be the one to either find him dead or watch him die at the hospital while you make excuses from 10 minutes away.

She never called for Father’s Day either.

I can’t watch another parent die.

Watching my mother almost killed me. I can still see her face, the nurses laughing, my Dad howling, the blood, like it’s right in front of me.

I remember her last words to me and that kills me.

I don’t want to do it again. But he never left me. I owe him. I know the rest of my family figures it’s okay because I’m alone and they think I’ll stay that way. Maybe they’re right and I should accept it.


Trying To Take A Break

The last two days have left me at a breaking point. I was told the real reason my Mom gave up was me. She died because of me. I was such a disappointment to her and broke her heart so many times she couldn’t watch it anymore. It made sense to me given what her last words to me were. “I’m sorry I f*cked up your life” I thought it was all the medications they had her on so I said “You didn’t! I love you more than anything.”

If I did cause her to give up then I don’t know what to do with this information. My Dad also said he wants to stop dialysis and die because ” I can’t continue to watch and listen to you like this, this isn’t my daughter anymore”.

The eight hour gallbladder attack didn’t help either. I took my medications but they were not in me for long before I started to be sick. My gallbladder attacks involve vomiting, low fever, chills, extreme headache and pain under my right rib. Not pleasant.

It messes with what little help I get from the medications I take. I don’t have to tell you that I wasn’t at my best. I wanted to run away where no one could find me. Stop taking pills everyday and worrying about who I’ve offended, who doesn’t like me, who I’ve let down, disappointed, hurt, ruined, and do what I want to do for what’s left of my life.

If the people who supposedly love me think it’s okay to talk to me like they have or just ignore me why am I following their rules? I’m tired of it. I want to actually live for awhile. I don’t want to sit on the couch that isn’t even mine for the few years I have left.

I need a break from mental health. A break from my family and being me. I just have to figure out how. If I don’t do this now I never will.


WAIT WHILE MY LAZY ASS TRIES NOT TO GET THROUGH THIS MANIC DEPRESSION

Manic Depression isn’t as fun as it sounds. I’m more irritable, short tempered, thoughts spin at a rapid pace and none of them are good. I also talk more and cry more, and I’m impulsive. My stutter will come and go as it pleases set off by the tiniest thing. I’m more aware of what’s going on and feel guilty about it. I also feel I’ve let everyone down once again because I can’t/won’t control myself/behavior.

When my family reads or watches something about mental illness that discusses how we benefit from exercise, breathing techniques, and CBT tools they then look at me and wonder why I’m still the same.

No one takes into account that I have more than one mental illness and autoimmune problems. I also have Chronic Kidney Disease and only 1 remaining kidney. I went into menopause way too early at 36/37 and this messes with so much of your bodies hormones and chemicals in your brain. By the way NONE of my doctors have ever questioned it which I find odd. They haven’t questioned the fact that I’ve gone from 5′ 7″ to 5′ 5″ in less than 2 years either. Or that my new body temperature is between 93-94 degrees. I find all of this odd but none of them do. Before anyone tells me to try new doctors I’ve been to so many including the best in Boston only to here “You’re definitely sick we just don’t know the exact cause”. Thanks for nothing.

I can’t exercise when every single joint hurts, I have arthritis throughout my entire body but it’s worse in my hips and spine. My neck constantly feels like it’s broken and my head feels swollen all the time. That could be the 2 cysts that way up inside my sinus cavity close to my brain that no one has bothered to check since 2008. Or the swelling in my brain that no one has bothered to check since 2008. One Doctor said I was looking at hip replacement soon and that was 8 years ago. But let me jog this depression off so you can feel better around me.

I had 2 good days that I knew wouldn’t last when I woke up this morning crying. I had dream that was really a memory. The same one I always have. The chair hits me over the head, I’m pinned to the floor, punched in the face over and over, I feel like I’m drowning in my own blood, I fly down a flight of stairs, and then I’m standing there soaked in blood and no one helps me. My blond hair is stained red and I will have a scar under my chin from a skull ring.

What made me cry this morning was thinking about how my best friend allowed this person into her home recently for a cook out. I’m not invited to cook outs. To be fair he wasn’t invited either but he wasn’t asked to leave. How could she sit there looking at him knowing how much he had hurt me? Seeing the clothes I had to throw away? Her boyfriend loves me like a sister and I can’t believe if he knew who the guy was he would’ve let him stay. I’m hurt and angry. I’m really angry. If I had known he was there I probably would’ve showed up and tried to grille his face. Sorry I shouldn’t say that. I wouldn’t have the strength anyway. I’m just hurt.

Letting go is hard and forgiving is sometimes not possible.

I’ll try to think of my two good days and hope for more.


ATTACK OF THE KILLER GALLBLADDER!

For at least the last 15 years I have had trouble with my Gallbladder. My Primary Care Doctor continuously said that it didn’t need to come out.

There were times where my Gallbladder caused me serious problems. The one I remember most is the Rehearsal Dinner for my sister’s Wedding. It was held at an Irish Bar but for some reason had a Pirate theme. I have no clue why. I believe it was the Irish stew that did me in. Although I wasn’t practicing sobriety at the time I never, ever, drank around my parents. I knew it wasn’t from drinking, there was a lot of garlic in that stew though!

So that night I stayed with her in a fancy mansion where the wedding was to be held. At 2:00 a.m. it started. The sweat was pouring off of me, I woke up nauseous and ran for the bathroom. When this happens I usually have some Ginger Ale or Coke to settle my stomach and after an hour I’m fine.

I woke my sister up. She wasn’t happy. Her words to me were “This isn’t about you, tomorrow is my day. Go back to sleep!”. I couldn’t find any soda so I spent the night on the bathroom floor.

Over the years I’ve had many Gallbladder attacks. I learned what to avoid and when I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease the attacks became less frequent. I don’t know what happened 3 days ago but I must have pissed someone off somewhere.

I have never been in so much pain in my entire life. From the middle of my breastbone going down under my right ribcage was a pain I can’t even describe. I tried everything that usually works. It got to a point I couldn’t breathe. Then the electricity went out. It was 90 degrees. I’m also on antibiotics for a bladder infection from my kidney stents and wasn’t feeling great to begin with. I went 2 days like this. Finally I went to the E.R. around midnight last night.

I might as well have gone to the 24/hour Emergency Veterinarians up the street. They took blood (everything was normal), took x-rays (you can’t see gallstones/gallbladder on an x-ray), they brought in a portable Ultrasound. I though finally! Two Doctors and an Ultrasound technician couldn’t find my friggin’ Gallbladder!!!! They ran that wand everywhere. At one point I think I said “Seriously?”. Even I knew where they should’ve been. So they abandoned ship and told me I would have to have a CAT scan. FOUR HOURS go by and another person comes to take more blood when they already said my bloodwork was fine. I hadn’t seen a nurse or doctor in that four hours. I refused her taking more blood and said I was leaving. I started taking off all the tape and sticky round things, I took off the blood pressure cuff and the thing they put on your finger. Usually when this even falls off by accident someone comes to check. Not one single person came and my machine was going off like crazy. I knew the Phlebotomist hadn’t told them yet because I was watching her.

Ten minutes later as I started to remove my IV she told them and a nurse came in. The nurse got the Doctor and I told him I wanted to leave.

I was still in some pain but not as bad. When I arrived home I looked up “How to ease Gallbladder pain”. Every site said the same. Apple Cider Vinegar. You can mix some in with Apple Juice. The acid in the vinegar stops the Liver from making cholesterol that forms most gallstones and dissolves the ones already there.

I didn’t have Apple Cider Vinegar, I only had distilled white vinegar, but I was desperate and drank 2 tablespoons of it. I immediately starting to burp/belch which I hadn’t been able to do, not even with a bottle of TUMS. It’s been about 5 1/2 hours with no pain so far. I could cry with relief. I hope it lasts.

Normally I wouldn’t disrespect someone’s profession like that. I was in serious agony and I didn’t even get a blanket or a kind word. I know it was a Saturday night but they were not that busy. For 2 Doctor’s and a Technician to fail at finding my Gallbladder and continuously ask me if I was sure I still had one was just ludicrous. They have ALL MY RECORDS THERE. I might forget some things but I think I would remember having something removed.

The degree of medical care in this country continues to get worse. I can’t blame the Doctor’s 100%. There have been cutbacks to a dangerous fault. There simply are not enough good people working and the people working are there for too many hours and have lost their compassion. When you lose that why bother showing up at all?

 


Love Resembles Rage

When I was younger I witnessed the life of two people that loved each other as much as two people could. They had their ups and downs but at the end of the day they always had each other.

I watched as he completely changed his life for her so he could stay and be a good husband and father. I never questioned if he resented it.

You might ask why I never questioned it. It’s because I saw that same man drop to his knees and howl with rage and agony when seeing her lifeless body.

After that he changed. He slowly became a dry drunk and I never realized it until now. I never realized how much he’s like my sister. Neither of them knowing what they are so lucky to have or what they were lucky to have experienced.

I have no delusions about my mom. I know she wasn’t perfect. But she was a mom’s mom. Being a mom came naturally to her. The only downside to this was her being a mom to everyone who needed one. This sometimes left her real children with little of her time. I understand and loved her more for it.

When my dad and sister complain about their lives now I can’t help but feel this simmer start in my stomach. Resentment bubbles up and flows like lava. I want to scream ” You got to love and be loved! You got to have children that love you! You have friends and family that want to be around you!”

The problem is I will not have that. I will continue to get worse. They will continue to not hear me. I can’t have children anymore. I’m 43 and have not really spoken to a man I find attractive while sober in well over 7 or 10 years and my Psychiatrist and Other Doctors have now gotten together and decided that there really isn’t much they can do for me on the Bipolar, Conversion Disorder, side of things. Either it will affect the one kidney or the Celiac or something else. Therapy has even been deemed useless. My cognitive skills or memory has gone downhill.

I know I’m filled with positivity.


BOTHER

Last night, around 11:00 p.m. I started to have incredible pain in my diaphragm. I pretty much knew what it was but it has never been this bad. The been went straight down to my pelvis. I knew it was my Gallbladder. I was also nauseas and sweating. But the pain was unbearable. I tried the fetal position, it would work for about 15 minutes then it was like my entire midsection was having spasms of pain. I wanted to call 911 but honestly I was too tired.

I managed to call my sister at 7:00 a.m. and she asked what I wanted her to do. I don’t know. Say something soothing, offer to come over and just sit with me. She knew I was in the house alone, our dad was in the ICU after his surgery, and I was sick. She sighed and said “Do you want me to come there?”. The way she said it I knew she didn’t want to. Then before I could answer she told me I was on speaker phone because she was on her way to help our ex-sister-in-law because she had surgery on her shoulder. That pretty much summed it up.

I hung up with her and immediately received a call from the Hospital that they were releasing my dad in about a hour. I started to panic. It was too much. The crying started, then came the tremors and stuttering. Talking to myself and repeating every negative thing ever said to me while rocking back and forth. I can’t keep going like this. I have not slept in 2 days. The deep depression in the mornings that do not start to get better until 2:00 p.m. is mentally exhausting. My doctor isn’t much help. My family is sick of it. I had visions of banging my head against the wall to make the dull ache in my head and heart go away for even just a short time.

Running a fever doesn’t help either. Everything is screwed up. I think one of my stents is out of place. I won’t gross you out with the details. My back is killing me, I’m not urinating much and when I do there is blood. The can’t see me until the 27th. I just don’t want to ruin the 79% function in the 1 kidney I have left.

Why couldn’t my sister just come over and hug me? I watch too many movies and too much TV. This is what she tells me. I have unrealistic expectations. Real life sisters don’t act like that. I’m tired of begging people to love me or even like me. I’ve been doing it since I was 5. I don’t even like me. And that there is the problem.


PREDNISONE & OTHER INFO

My father is on Prednisone for Temporal Arteritis. It’s an inflammatory disease that is diagnosed by bloodwork AND a Biopsy of the Temporal Artery. The Biopsy is the important part. Of course my father refuses to get a Biopsy and is going on the diagnosis made by the Emergency Room Doctor at a Hospital that has tried to kill him several times and had a huge hand in my mother’s death.

The Prednisone itself is a harsh medication. It makes it harder for you to fight infections, causes weight gain, brittle bones, diabetes, and changes in personality and mood. I no longer recognize my dad’s face or his personality. His face is so bloated his eyes look closed. He angers easily and has a problem controlling his temper. This is not the man I know and love. It is hard to watch him change.

He will not listen to me even though I live with him and I’ve always been the closest person to him besides my mom. If my sister came over and saw him and spoke to him about his health, for some reason he would listen. She’s too busy. She didn’t even talk to him on Easter. She feels that he knows how to work a phone too and should call her. She is an idiot with her head in the sand. It’s her favorite place to stay. That way she isn’t responsible for anything.

I have to go to a Hospital I’ve never been to tomorrow for testing before surgery. She can’t go with me because she is working the “book sale” at her kids school. My dad is going with me. I don’t want him to. He is sick and shouldn’t be around other people that are sick.

I really need him to come off the Prednisone. His Dr. at Dialysis says he needs to come off of it but gave him no suggestions or names of people to see. They have infiltrated his fistula 5 times now. I become more disgusted every time he comes home. I called there once because I was angry. My father was furious with me. He’s so filled with pride it’s going to kill him.

He has done nothing in regards to a Living Will or a regular Will. His state of affairs is a mess. Someone will have to deal with his 300 pigeons and his enormous antique clock collection. My sister believes she can just open the doors to the pigeon coops and they will fly away. She’s in for a big surprise. My sister and brother know nothing about antique clocks either. They do not know what is worthless and what is valuable. I imagine a yard sale with over 100 antique clocks all priced at $10.

I’ve stopped worrying about it. They can have it all. I would rather have my dad. My plan is to take off as soon as anything happens to my father. Let them deal with the mess I’ve been dealing with for years. I’ll live in my car if I have to. L.A. has a very nice homeless population in this one area I know of. There is a car wash across the street where most of them wash up. It doesn’t scare me anymore to think of that happening to me. I would be more afraid of being hospitalized against my wishes.

Back to the Prednisone. I need to find a way to get him weaned off of it. I may have to play nice with my sister and get her to talk to him.

In case I forget I watched a YouTube video of a young woman who had a Nephrostomy. This is where they have 2 tubes coming out of your back to drain your kidneys. This may be in store for me. I really, really, hope not. I’ll have to weigh quality of life against quantity at that point.


A New Experience

I recently met with a new Urologist. This is my fifth. The primary Urologist I had was the type of doctor that saw two things when he looked me. Bipolar Disorder and my bladder (ureters). He never saw me as a whole person. No one has been able to find a cause for my kidney failure and as I would have my first consult with each new doctor they would end with “I don’t know what I could do for you”. To me this was unacceptable. The Nephrologist telling me I really only have one kidney and my choices were stents for the rest of my life or tubes coming out of my back. He thought it was good news.

The new Urologist was kind and compassionate. He explained in detail what the tubes coming out of my back would be like. They would hang down against the sides of my legs with little drainage bags at the end. I could never shower again and would have to do sponge baths only. The tubes are open to infection and get infected often. He told me he would try his hardest to make sure this wasn’t an option. He’s going to try a new kind of stent that the doctors I had been to previously didn’t have access to yet. He also said that there is a surgery similar to a kidney transplant but it involves your own kidney. He said this was a worse case scenario. He thinks that I will probably have to have stents the rest of my life. They aren’t so bad. The only downside to them is going under anesthesia every 3 to 4 months. It isn’t good to have that much anesthesia. The last 2 times my brain didn’t want to come out of the anesthesia. This is part of the Conversion Disorder. I can only hope it doesn’t happen again.

Right now I’m battling an infection and have to take 1,000 milligrams of an antibiotic for two weeks. I’m not feeling all that great. Plus my good computer is acting up and I have tried everything to fix it. The dog needs to be neutered ($180), I need an eye exam to get my contacts ($250), and I have a cavity. Oh! My car is acting weird too. I hate being stressed about money. I wish there was a way for me to do something to make money without interfering with Disability. I’m limited in what I can do. There isn’t much out there. I feel pretty good considering all of this. Mentally I have been doing better I just hope it lasts longer this time.


WHAT I WISH THE WORLD KNEW

I wish the world knew that although I am not my disease it’s still an important component in my life. Specifically when it comes to Medical issues. That doesn’t mean that at the top of my chart it should say “Patient has Bipolar Disorder”. I have seen myself identified this way too many times. I would think “Patient has Chronic Kidney Disease and Celiac Disease” should come first. They don’t.

As soon as a new Doctor or Nurse sees this on my chart I know. How, you might ask? Because suddenly I am treated like an incompetent child. The Nurse or Doctor will speak louder, some become impatient with me because it’s hard for me to speak. They are short with their answers or ask if I have someone to come with me. Then when I bring someone with me they will only talk to them and not even look at me.

I was recently scolded for calling a doctor’s office to ask a question about some lab work. I was dismissed and treated like I wasn’t important enough to give a sliver of compassion to. I’m 43 with what they’re are telling me is only 1 good kidney and a condition no one knows about or can fix. I will have to have some kind of foreign object inside of me for the rest of my life to keep my kidneys working. That foreign object causes pain and is often prone to infection so it will have to be changed every 4 months. AND at some point I may have to have tubes come out of my back like a science experiment. But the Medical professionals I have dealt with do not care how I “feel” about any of it.

I am listed as a “problem patient” because I have trouble with anesthesia  and I get emotional. Other doctors can see this when they look up my name. So they are automatically forming an opinion about me before our meeting.

One Doctor told an entire staff of people right before my surgery that I was a “demanding one! Watch out for this one! she sure is demanding!” all because I didn’t want the surgery done where my mother had died. The same hospital where I was when my kidneys failed. The one that had no running water for 8 hours, a nurse said she should pretend to be Bipolar so she can lose a 100 pounds, and they made me unplug myself to go to the bathroom that was down the hall, while my kidneys were being flushed with an IV. Why would I want to be in that same hospital???

It’s bad enough being dismissed in my regular life but these people should know better. The nurse should have known that people in kidney failure LOSE WEIGHT! It wasn’t just my Bipolar meds. I was almost dead and down to 119 pounds!

There will be angry people in Rhode Island soon. I refuse to be treated like shit stuck on someone’s shoe by the people that are suppose to help me. I will be getting all new Doctors. If I have to go 3 states over I will find someone who cares if it kills me. And it probably will.


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