Tag Archives: Caring For a Parent

LASHING OUT AT YOU

As much as I love my father I can recognize his faults. He is one the most stubborn people I’ve ever me. He pushes himself beyond any human limits leaving his family to deal with the consequences. This mostly means me. Yes, I’m close to my Dad, that doesn’t mean I should have to be the only one worrying about him and witnessing him at his worst.

Finding him unconscious on the front lawn with his car parked in the middle of the street scared me. What scared me the most was that his pants and underwear were down. My father never even walked around the house without a shirt on, he was hallucinating because his fever was so high. Dialysis knew he had a high fever and a Urinary Tract Infection. They also knew he wasn’t steady on his feet. Yet they allowed him to drive home anyway. I admit I may have called them and said some things that were not nice I really don’t remember some of that day but I take responsibility if I did.

I had to call 911 because he wouldn’t wake up. The second time I had to call 911 was because he left the Hospital against the Doctor’s advice. He was bleeding internally but they didn’t where. He was home 24 hours when I heard a boom come from the bathroom. I had to break the bathroom door but still couldn’t open it all the way because my Dad was blocking it. When I saw the amount of blood on the floor, walls, shower and even the window I found the strength to push him to the side. I got him up and he told me to get him to the toilet. He didn’t make it. He collapsed on to the toilet. It looked look his liver had exploded out of him along with some other organs. I was terrified.

I was screaming and calling 911 at the same time. The neighbor heard me and ran over. When she took a look in the bathroom she had to run outside. It was nothing but blood and tissue. When the medics arrived they said “I’m surprised he’s still alive. Jesus, what a mess.” Then my favorite neighborhood Police Officer decided to see what was going on. He asked the EMTs and they said I was upset and my Dad was hemorrhaging internally. His response? A laugh and “The daughter’s always upset she’s crazy don’t give her attention it only makes it worse”. I actually went to High School with one of the EMTs and he knew I was diagnosed as Bipolar. He didn’t like the comments and tried to tell the Officer that it isn’t a joke. I stopped him because it wasn’t worth it the man wasn’t going to change his opinion of me.

My sister shows up after the mess is cleaned and stress is over.

I need a new car, the alternator is shot in mine, it needs a windshield, brakes, and probably tires. It’s a 1999 RAV 4 with 84,000 miles but I should do it now while I can because I don’t know what will happen in the future. Of course my Dad insists on putting the alternator in himself and trying to do other work on it. He comes in every 15 minutes looking like he’s going to die. I kept telling him not to do it but he refused to listen.

Finally I had enough. When this happens it’s never good. I told him if I have to find him one more time I’ll make Leaving Las Vegas look like a Disney film. He wasn’t happy with that and said “Don’t you ever threaten me Goddamnit!”. That’s when I started to tremor, cry and stutter.

He can do what he wants. When I get a new car I just have to make sure it’s big enough to sleep in. I did spend some time with my nephews and sister. The older one spotted me first. Oh how his face lit up! He was so excited he yelled “MOM! MOM! Auntie Day is here! She is! She is!” and he threw himself at me so hard he almost broke his gift. I bought the boys a beautiful handmade and hand painted rain stick. They love stuff like that and it can be a decoration too so my sister would like it. She received Egyptian Goddess incense cones and make up samples. Her husband’s gift was that I showed up while he wasn’t there. lol

The boys looked so grown up I had to keep pinching the skin under my arm so I wouldn’t cry. I’d be banned again if I cried. I love them for their innocence and because they don’t know yet how the rest of the world looks at me. All they see is Auntie Day, the one who loves them and brings them cool gifts, who plays with them, laughs with them, and would do anything to protect them. I mentioned how my Dad is acting and how I’m worried about having a place to live if anything happens to him suddenly. She still made no offer. It’s a three bedroom house with a furnished basement that’s used as a man cave with a bed. I guess there wouldn’t be enough room for a 5’5″ 138 pound woman for a week.

Which makes me think I have gotten that bad.

 

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