UNDERSTANDING THE BULLY, THE VICTIM OF BULLYING AND THE BYSTANDER.

BULLIES are made up of 50% Nature (a predisposition) and 50% Nurture (environmental influence).

BULLYING is the conscious desire to hurt another and put them under distress. This is usually done to someone a bully sees as less powerful.

50% of the population has experienced adult bullying. 60% of physical male bullies will be arrested by age 24.

BULLYING TRAITS

Over the years research has shown that bullies all seem to have similar traits. The following are some of them:

• Dominates others
• Uses others to get what they want
• Unwilling to negotiate
• Difficulty seeing others point of view
• Concerned with only their wants/needs
• Unwilling to accept other’s ideas
• Will hurt others when adults aren’t around
• Targets those they see as weaker in some way
• Do not accept responsibility for their actions
• Blame and false allegations are used to project their inadequacies onto their target

DOMINATE EMOTIONS OF BULLIES

• Suspicious
• Frustrated
• Disgusted
• Confident
• Jealous
• Insecure
• Lonely

Bullies often feel contempt towards their targets. They also have an intolerance for anyone perceived as different/not worthy of respect and believe they should be isolated.

DIFFERENCE BETWEEN TEASING AND TAUNTING

Teasing~ Is not intended to harm anyone, it’s innocent in motive and is stopped when one person involved objects or asks it to stop.

Taunting~ This is a one sided power imbalance intended to harm, humiliate, or demean another person. It increases with objections and is not innocent in motive. (All of the new texts use the wore “sinister” I really didn’t feel comfortable using that term)

PERSONALITY CHARACTERISTICS OF BULLYING VICTIMS

• Quiet and shy
• Have difficulty relating
• Not assertive
• Lack friends or social support
• Low self-esteem
• Their social behaviors are found odd or irritating by others

PSYCHOSOCIAL EFFECTS ON BULLYING VICTIMS

• Fear
• Anxiety
• Low self-esteem
• Insecurity
• Isolation
• Avoidance of school and social events
• Emotional Impairment
• Social Impairment

SIGNS OF A BULLIED CHILD

• Increase in fighting
• Avoiding lunch or recess areas
• Attendance problems
• Suspicious bruises
• Taking different routes to walk home
• Mood swings
• Sudden or ongoing illness
• Problems with concentration
• Argumentative

EFFECTS OF BYSTANDERS ON THE BULLY

If a bystanders does nothing it amplifies the effects of the situation by increasing the humiliation and social effects. It also encourages the behavior to continue because there is no accountability. When a bystander acts on behalf of the person being bullied it decreases the effect of the incident immensely.

Depending on where you live, the school system and social status, bystander intervention is viewed in different ways. I’ve witnessed adults do nothing while a child was being physically hurt by a much larger child. When I intervened I was told that it “wasn’t my place and I didn’t know how things worked”. The third time I intervened in a bullying incident it was “suggested” that I not come back to the school’s playground.

Every parent there was more worried about fitting in with the “PTA” group than the well being of their children. When my sister told me of a recent event where her child was surrounded by 20 kids calling him a “Killer” and one adult poking her finger at him and saying he “You monster! You killed the butterfly!” I was livid. When I realized that my sister didn’t run to her child and protect him with all she had I was disgusted.

Our mother would’ve been there in a second and that woman would never point a finger again. My mom protected her children when we told her something was wrong. I kept a lot from her because she took on everyone’s problems.

If you see bullying say or do something. It causes a lifetime of problems. I’m proof of that. I believed everything that was said to me after awhile. How can you not when it’s said so much? You just give in and accept it when it starts at a young age and never stops. Maybe I’m weak, I don’t know. I do know that at some point during my drinking I became a bully for awhile. It didn’t make me feel any better.