GOTTA GO AND A MILLION THINGS TO DO

My dad is constantly saying ” I gotta go or I have a million things to do”. He’s short tempered and nothing I do seems to be right. When I hear him say he’s “gotta go” I feel it’s because of me. He leaves if he notices I’m talking too much or I’m too quiet. When he says he has a “million things to do” it’s either an excuse to get away from me or to make me feel guilty about my limitations to help around the house. His constant negativity isn’t helping at all.

I still have not heard from my sister after telling her about the bone marrow biopsy by text because she doesn’t answer her phone.

I am honestly lost. The roller coaster ride is never ending and excruciating. I remember going to Hershey Park for a Hair Show and we all decided to go on the wooden roller coaster. Normally roller coasters don’t bother me but this one felt and sounded like the bolts and wood were going to come undone at any minute. I had chest pains and a gallbladder attack by the time I got off the ride. This is how I feel all the time now.

I keep thinking of all the time I wasted but it doesn’t matter I was still ill. Now I think of what time I have left. I want one more good concert, one more night with my best friend laughing until we cry, I want to hear my sister say she loves me no matter what I’ve done or said, I want to see my Auntie Lee one more time, I want one more vacation near the ocean in a house with a pool. None of these sound like much but to me they’re everything.

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2 responses to “GOTTA GO AND A MILLION THINGS TO DO

  1. I’m sorry you’re feeling so lost. Sometimes I need that distance from my family to cope with my demanding mother and my stern father (yes, I’m an adult!) I’d try to use it to step back and replenish whatever it is I need. Then sometimes I have more patience with them. {hugs}

    Liked by 1 person

    • There’s no place to step back to. My car (which I thought I had a few more years with) died and I have 1 friend who works a lot and doesn’t want to deal with me. My sister won’t deal with me. No car means I have to use what money I have for a down payment so no travel. It never ends.

      Liked by 1 person

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