I’ve been having a harder time than usual and I’m not sure why. It could be 1 of 1,000 reasons. The problem is I’m too tired to find out. I’ve called 13 Gastroenterologists and none of them take Medicare.

I’m pretty sure a person isn’t supposed to have chronic diarrhea for more than 6 months. I have not 1 day without it. I also have a constant pain under the bottom of my right ribcage that radiates to my back. I can actually put my hand under my ribcage and massage the area to make it feel better.

There are times where the pain is excruciating and is from between both ribcages then goes along the entire right side. This is when I turn a lovely shade of green/grey, sometimes vomit, roll up in a ball and cry. I have gone to the ER during one these episodes but I went to the wrong ER. Three people with degrees couldn’t find my Gallbladder with the Ultrasound machine. Eight hours without a drink of water, anything for the pain, any other tests done, or seeing the Doctor again. So I got nothing.

Mother’s Day is coming up and as you can guess it isn’t my favorite. I don’t have my mom anymore and I’ll never be a mom.

My sister acted like everything was fine between us when she texted me but refuses to actually talk to me or see me in person.

I called my Auntie Lee two times and she never called me back. Usually she does but what if I talked too much last time or sounded unstable? What if she’s tired of me? Tired of listening to me complain? I try not to with her because I know she has her own problems and I like to listen to her voice. Sometimes I do it without knowing it. I stop myself as soon as I realize it. My best friend hasn’t called me in a long time. My dad keeps barking at me. He had Cataract Surgery on one eye and I had to help put 3 different eye drops in his eye.

My dad has extremely small eyes, doesn’t know his left from his right, can’t open his eyes wide, has eyebrows that grow down into his eyes, and is the most impatient person on the planet.

I trimmed his eyebrows for him. I’ve always had to put eye drops in for him but this time is different. He kept yelling at me and when I asked him to tip his head back he bent it forward! I almost thought he was doing it on purpose! My stomach hurt by the time I was done.

How I just want to hop on a plane and go somewhere different. I know your problems go with you but sometimes I think my Dad and my sister play a part in how I feel. I don’t think they do it on purpose but what they say and do has an impact on me.

Have I thought about suicide? In a way I suppose. I think more of disappearing to a place where I can be happy. A place where it’s sunny all the time and there’s a beach nearby. A place where I can take care of some animals or help other people take care of animals. A place where I’m healthy and when I smile I mean it. A place where people are happy to see me when I enter a room instead of sighing and ignoring me.

The World thinks people like me are not aware of what is going on around us. The truth is at times I’m too aware. At these times I remember that there is something different about me, I worry about how “different” I appear to people and if I’m embarrassing myself. Then I sit in my car and cry again. It’s easier to stay home.



  1. This has been an ongoing problem for 3 years. We hired a nutritionist who had us buy glutagenics which you can get at amazon. It has licorice root and aloe leaf in it. She has said we have to get to the root cause and is also treating with olive leaf to treat any underlying bacterial overgrowth. I just wanted to share this because it has been a nightmare that unles you have been through it and gone to freaking every doc and Gi and had all the tests just dont know how frustrating. I am so so sorry you are experiencing it!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much! I’m just worried because the last real Ultrasound of my Gallbladder showed so many gallstones that the technician kept huffing. I wasn’t sure why so I finally asked her. She couldn’t say much but did ask “Why haven’t you had this thing out yet?” She sounded angry. I told her my GP said that doctors don’t really like to take out Gallbladders anymore. The tech rolled her eyes and shook her head. She said “I’m sorry I’m not doing that about you but your doctor”. She stopped counting gallstones when she got to 70. That was years ago. I know if you continue to have problems eventually it can cause damage to your Pancreas. This is what scares me. My symptoms are pointing in that directions. I wish I could find a way to get my medical records from my General Practitioner because I found a specialist willing to take me on but I need my records.


    • Why can’t you get your records? Before i went to the Mayo Clinic i called my doctors and sent a medical request consent for all of my records and they were mailed to me. We had a few opinions on my daughter’s gall bladder before it was removed but she was unable to eat and couldnt stop the vomitting because the stones had blocked the duct. I would definitely get another opinion!

      Liked by 1 person

    • The specialist also deals with abnormalities of the Pelvic Floor. This was mentioned when my Kidneys Failed so I was hoping she might have some insight there too. How can a doctor hold your records hostage?


    • It started when I sent a signed request for my records to be sent to a new General Practitioner. 3 weeks later I assumed she did until I received a phone call from the new place saying they never got them. I called her and asked the front office about it. They put me on hold to speak to her. The Office Manager came back on the phone and said “Dr. D says you have to come in and get your records directly from her. You also have to pay $40 and you have an outstanding bill of $375.” I was shocked. I have never ever owed her money or received a bill. To make me come to her and face her to get my records when she knows I have a problem with confrontation is cruel. She missed some pretty big things and ignored what I was telling her which contributed to my Kidney Failure. It is illegal for her to have not sent the records. I made a mistake by letting everything fester so by the time this happened I lost my temper a bit. I told the Office Manager “We can call it even for all the times she padded the Medicare Bill and the loss of my right kidney. I never got a bill and I’ve never owed her money in 13 years. She kept telling me to get a Mammogram when I had serious issues and told me I wasn’t in Menopause after not having my PERIOD FOR 2 YEARS!” “I almost DIED!” Then I hung up. It wasn’t good. Now I’m afraid. It’s a small state. If I complained to Medicare it’s guaranteed other doctors will find out and will not take me as a patient. I’m working through HIPPA to send a request. I’m also trying to eat foods that heal and help. I’ve been on a Cocoa Pebbles diet for a few years now. No vegetables, fruits, or anything healthy. I’ve had to eat what I find appealing and for some reason it’s Cocoa Pebbles or other Chocolate desserts. Turns out chocolate is the worse thing to eat. lol


    • Can your new doctor send a request? I have had to do that a few times. It is absolutely illegal what she is doing and it sounds to me like she contributed to some life threatening conditions. How awful!
      Food is difficult!!! My daughter is on a special diet that is basically all fresh foods, nothing processed or in a box. No sugar, gluten, soy, meat, dairy. Just fruits and veggies and potatoes and rice, gluten free bread. It has helped her. I eat some of what I make her and then some of the things that are appealing to me! Like my husband just took me to moes to get a burrito because I craved that. I really really hope that you get those records somehow. I keep thinking that another doctor ordering them should work.


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