February 16, 2017

I THINK WHAT YOU NEED TO DO….

By darie73

If there is one thing that bothers me more than anything, it’s when someone tells me what they think I need to do to “get better”. What I hear is “you’re not trying hard enough”. I then start to think that people around me are thinking that I don’t want to get better. That doesn’t bother me it breaks me.

I remember a time when my Dad would come home from work and give us “foot rides”. He had to wear steel toed boots to work and he was on his feet for 10 hours a day. He didn’t care how tired he was when he got home, I would wrap myself around one leg and my sister around the other. My Dad would then drag us around the house. After he would give us Rollo’s that he bought from work everyday just for us.

I remember the tire swing he made us in the backyard. I spent a lot of time by myself watching squirrels, chipmunks, butterflies and every other kind of creature while my Dad did yard work. I remember watching my Mom cook and feeling so calm as I watched her hands move.

If anyone thinks that I wouldn’t want those feelings back than they have bigger problems than I do.

Everyone pushes me to go to Group Therapy. What people who have never been to Group Therapy don’t understand is that where I live everyone is put together. Your group could have someone similar to you or a group largely made up of people that can’t function as well. I’ve been to many different Group Meetings in my area. Something scary always happened. Maybe I bring bad luck. The last straw was the man who pulled out a butcher knife and held it to a staff member’s throat. I was standing next to him and was told not to move. It was fun when the S.W.A.T. team showed up pointing their guns at him and me!

Good thing I’ve been peppered sprayed before because that also happened at another Group Therapy session. I wasn’t sprayed I just got the residual effects. So much fun! I think after about Group number 30 I quit. It’s worse when you’re hospitalized. Not only is there mentally ill but they also put you with people who are detoxing. This has happened twice.

Stop telling me what you think I need to do to “get better” and try listening to me or, now I know this idea is out there but how about spending some time with me? Or you could stop ignoring me and judging everything I do and say.

Just a suggestion that will never be seen or heard.

 

About darie73

I have lived with Bipolar Disorder since my early teens. I have lived with Social Anxiety Disorder for even longer. I self-medicated with alcohol for over 20 years, that's how long it took to get a diagnosis. I'm open and honest about my mental health so hopefully one day the system will change. View all posts by darie73
This entry was posted on Thursday, February 16th, 2017 at 1:15 PM and tagged with , , , , and posted in Living with Mental Illness, Addiction, Conversion Disorder, and People. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.

10 responses to “I THINK WHAT YOU NEED TO DO….”

  • Rob
    February 16th, 2017 at 3:12 PM

    I do hear you loud and clear. I so wish we could hang out. I think we’d get along very well. You know I’ve always loved your style

    Liked by 1 person

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  • ToadieOdie
    February 16th, 2017 at 2:21 PM

    I love (not) hearing that I need to straighten myself out. Like what the fuck does that even mean? Or that I haven’t changed at all. That has been the mantra from my dad this week – both statements. I’m about ready to snap.

    Hello! I had a psychotic break known as postpartum psychosis. The brain has been changed forever. I will never be whatever it was they remember me being before that. I’m not sure I want to be. They keep telling me I’m just being paranoid but… reading my journals and comparing stuff to right now paints a different picture.

    I don’t think I was ever really the person they claim I was. I think part of the problem people have is once we start receiving treatment, we start to see their bullshit for what it is and we’re not as easily manipulated like before. It becomes easier for us to be who we really are and it pisses them off. So people leave. And those that don’t leave keep trying the same old bullshit because they don’t know how to do anything else. It’s depressing really.

    Or at least that how it is in my life. I know I’m doing what needs to be done to be as well as I can. It’s not my fault they don’t like it. The same applies to you.

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    • darie73
      February 17th, 2017 at 11:04 AM

      I think part of the problem is that once I was finally diagnosed several years ago people thought I should automatically start to get better. Not understanding that it doesn’t work that way. My sister is a HUGE believer in Therapy and CBT. She constantly tells me that I’m being stubborn about it because of a few bad experiences. I keep trying to tell her that I’ve lost abnormal amounts of white and grey matter in my brain, some of which will never regenerate. When you have more than one diagnosis it makes it much harder to treat, specifically with Conversion Disorder that presents with a stutter or tremors because it’s more neurological. I’m tired of trying to explain myself. This morning we came close to never speaking again. I couldn’t stop crying.

      Liked by 1 person

    • ToadieOdie
      February 17th, 2017 at 2:19 PM

      Even then, therapy doesn’t work immediately.

      Liked by 1 person

  • Andi Garcia
    February 16th, 2017 at 1:24 PM

    I hear you because my son says the same thing. We don’t tell him what to do because he has to decide to want to do …whatever it may be..for himself. No one can push you or make you do something, especially if they don’t understand what you’re going through. I’m sorry some people can be insensitive. Sometimes I don’t know what to even say to my son and there are times I won’t say anything at all. Sometimes he just wants to be heard. Being vocal sometimes help he says, without anyone putting their two cents in.

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