January 1, 2017

THINGS I NEVER HAD A CHANCE TO TELL MY MOTHER

By darie73

I’m sorry you had to see me try to destroy myself so many times.

I love you for always being there when I would leave the Hospital.

I’m sorry for all the nights I came home drunk and said hateful things.

I love you for always holding me tight when I finished, stroking my hair, telling me how much you loved me no matter what.

I’m glad you never had a chance to see me at my worse.

I hate that you blamed yourself at the end and we didn’t know it would be the end.

I didn’t get to tell you that none of it was your fault.

I didn’t get to tell you one last time that I love you with all my heart.

You didn’t get to see me become sober and continue to do so.

I’m sorry for being impatient with you and being unable to handle all I should have.

I want you to know there will never be another Mom like you and I’m taking care of Dad.

I miss your hugs because there are none now.

I know you forgive me but it’s harder to forgive myself.

I love you and miss you every single day.

About darie73

I have lived with Bipolar Disorder since my early teens. I have lived with Social Anxiety Disorder for even longer. I self-medicated with alcohol for over 20 years, that's how long it took to get a diagnosis. I'm open and honest about my mental health so hopefully one day the system will change. View all posts by darie73
This entry was posted on Sunday, January 1st, 2017 at 9:32 PM and posted in Content. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.

3 responses to “THINGS I NEVER HAD A CHANCE TO TELL MY MOTHER”

  • Rob
    January 2nd, 2017 at 1:24 PM

    Just lovely. It still matters. This. What youve said

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • darie73
      January 2nd, 2017 at 2:23 PM

      The way her death happened I wouldn’t wish on anyone. My sister didn’t have to see it, my brother didn’t have to see it, my mom’s siblings didn’t have to see it, but I was forced to witness it all. I think I went into shock at one point because if I hadn’t someone at the Hospital would’ve been dead and I would be in jail. Another reason I’m preoccupied with revenge themes. Sorry, it’s been a rough few days. No one called for Christmas or New Years that I had expected. Just my ex sister in law. lol

      Liked by 1 person

    • Rob
      January 2nd, 2017 at 4:09 PM

      It’s ok, you know you can vent to me

      Liked by 1 person

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