BLOCKED, BANNED, DISMISSED, AND ILLNESS.

There’s nothing I find more cowardly and vile than blocking someone from Social Media. I’ve seen certain semi famous people do it for no reason other than the person was unattractive. Why couldn’t you just leave them on and just not interact with them? The guy wasn’t saying anything malicious or threatening he just wasn’t the same as everyone else.

I don’t think people understand the hurt they cause when they do these things. I’ve been blocked and banned from more bars than I can remember, it was embarrassing when I went to one I had forgotten about in ANOTHER STATE! But the difference is I had deserved to be thrown out and banned. At times my drinking was appalling. I remember letting J throw darts at an apple on my head. Not one of my shining moments. I would get into fights also.

I feel the need to make it clear that when I was violent towards someone else it was when I was drinking and 98% of the time there was jealousy and a guy involved. I usually chose to hit the guy because I had a death wish and I was always bigger than the girl. It doesn’t make it right but it had nothing to do with Mental Illness. Insecurity about my appearance and the inability to think that any man could love me, definitely.

The social media thing just seems so much more hurtful. I’ve been hurt by it. It took months to get past it. I have re learn the lesson every 6 months because I forget. I wish I didn’t but my brain has a way of doing that. I get sucked in to someone’s story that I relate to and think that they would relate to me. I never said I was smart.

Changing the subject I woke up on my stomach this morning. I never really do that. When I went to get off the bed my back seized up. I was stuck for 10 minutes. I think having that much pressure on my stents set something out alignment in my back. I’m crooked today and not able to walk well.

Malnutrition is the reason why I am not absorbing my medications correctly. I’m at 140 pounds now, I’ve gained weight just not the vitamins or minerals your body needs to survive. Because of my Kidney Disease and Celiac Disease I don’t get the nutrition I need.

There’s one problem. I don’t care anymore. I’m past caring about anything. I wanted to work with animals when I was little. When I grew older I became obsessed with the Music and Movie industry. How did I wind up spending most of my days alone coloring and crying?

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About darie73

I have lived with Bipolar Disorder since my early teens. I have lived with Social Anxiety Disorder for even longer. I self-medicated with alcohol for over 20 years, that's how long it took to get a diagnosis. I'm open and honest about my mental health so hopefully one day the system will change. View all posts by darie73

9 responses to “BLOCKED, BANNED, DISMISSED, AND ILLNESS.

  • the narrator

    Are you getting any help for the bipolar or fighting it yourself?

    Like

    • darie73

      I have a Psychiatrist I see every 3 months to check my medications. There isn’t much he can do I have 1 kidney and I am stage 3 of CKD. I also do not absorb vitamins and minerals so chances of me absorbing the full benefits of medication are slim. I have been to over 10 Therapists since I was 17 and ordered to go to therapy for a total of 4 years on and off by the court system. I have lost a significant amount of grey matter and have cognitive issues. CBT is gibberish to me. I have had 3rd, 4th, and 5th opinions stating I am med and therapy resistant. I do what I can.

      Liked by 1 person

    • the narrator

      Wow… your struggles are extremely hard and you still are functioning. That’s amazing. Really. Hats off to you. Wish I could help in some way… sending you loads of strength and virtual moral support. Take care.

      Liked by 1 person

    • darie73

      Sorry if it sounded cranky. I pulled my back out and now look like the letter L. I can’t take anything for it. I appreciate your responding.

      Liked by 1 person

    • the narrator

      Doesn’t sound cranky. Sounds honest. Hope your back straightens out soon. Can imagine the pain or how insignificant the pain feels. Have a kidney condition myself. Before it failed it hurt like hell. But the minute someone sympathized I felt stupid. Like I was making a big deal out of nothing. 🙂 take care…

      Liked by 1 person

    • darie73

      I wish I knew if it was the stents keeping my kidney working or my actual back. I hate going to the Dr. if I don’t have to. I feel like I’m bothering them.

      Liked by 1 person

    • the narrator

      I got my stent removed. Haven’t had a check up since then. I’m scared to. If I’m fine, why am I doing so much drama? Why disturb them? If I’m not, yaaaay 🙂 atleast I am not bothering anyone aimlessly.

      Liked by 1 person

    • darie73

      I need mine to stay alive. lol I have bilateral ureteral thickening. I’ve already lost one kidney and the other functions at 79 percent. As soon as they try to it without the stents within 24 hours my Creatin level sky rockets. I didn’t even know I had a problem with my kidneys. Just woke up one day and my feet were gigantic. My Creatin level was 11 and I was alone at the ER. I couldn’t reach my family and the ER Dr. had tears in his eyes. It was freaking me out. Thank you for taking time to talk. I appreciate it.

      Liked by 1 person

    • the narrator

      Gosh! Can imagine how you must have felt. My one kidney now works at 33 and the other at 24 percent. After my last surgery, they removed my stent. Was supposed to have check ups to see if I need it but nothing untoward has happened. Guess I’m fine. My family wasn’t with me during my surgery either. Not because they didn’t know. They were busy. My then very new boy friend, now ex husband stayed put at the hospital despite not speaking the local language and despite being just 24. God bless that man!
      I really hope you stay healthy, mentally and physically.
      Ping any time you need to vent or a virtual shoulder to cry on. Take care 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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