Have You Ever?

Have you ever felt so alone you sometimes wondered if you were invisible? Have you ever had such and ache in your chest but didn’t know why? An ache like you lost someone, or you are lost and you just WANT TO GO HOME! The problem is you are home. Have you ever wanted to get on the next plane to anywhere? Get in your car and just leave? But you’re afraid no one would even notice. Have you ever begged someone to just hug you?? I begged my sister to tell me everything would be ok and to hug me. She wouldn’t. She said she wouldn’t “Enable my behavior”. I would’ve called it a human kindness. She has been to my house twice in the last 2 months. No help like she had promised she would do. Everything is on me again. Right now my father has rented a machine to turn up the soil in the front yard. He’s been working outside in the heat since he got back from dialysis at 10:30 a.m. it’s now 1:10 p.m. he has a fracture in his back, low platelets, a UTI, edema, a few heart problems including a quadruple bypass and his aortic aneurism is leaking. I’m done being yelled at and treated like crap by a 73 year old who obviously wants to die. He has said he wants to be with my mom. I am stressed to the limit. Medications are not working, I have no support, no one to talk to. I’m becoming meaner and meaner. It’s time for a break. I can’t startle every time I hear my dad yell at me. Now this has carried over to every time I hear a loud male voice near me. This is no way to live. He’s having another surgery soon which I’ll have to take care of him after. Too much.


6 responses to “Have You Ever?

    • Thank you Ted! It’s going to be a tough week. My dad is having surgery this week to have the graft that was used to fix his Aortic Aneurysm repaired. Of course it’s leaking. During this time I have to feed and water his over 250 pigeons and take care of him. But I’m going to try not to stress too much or be too angry at my family. lol

      Liked by 1 person

    • Ted, I recently saw some music trivia that I never knew and wanted to see if you did. Bruce Springsteen was kicked out of Graceland when Born to Run first came out. I was surprised at that one. The Eagles were originally Linda Ronstadt’s backup band, and Jimmy Page was a follower of Aleistar Crowley who’s house he purchased at one time. He also gives a recent interview defending Crowley’s ideas on French television. Kind of odd. I always considered Crowley to be in the same category as Alice Cooper or Marilyn Manson.


    • Definitely sounds rough. Yeah, aneurysms suck. My mother passed away unexpectedly from one in her brain in 1976. It was a shame because if Warfarin had existed she would still be with us. Hang in there!

      Liked by 1 person

  1. It is human kindness in a humanity than sorely lacks the practice of kindness. In a sense I am the same – I just want someone to tell me everything is going to be okay, and a little bit of human touch goes a long way. You have so much on your plate with no support. My heart breaks for you. Perhaps its time to find a new doctor who will listen and understand, and get you on track with meds that actually work for you. I’m sorry you’re in such pain and feel so alone ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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