The Ass Maker

I have a habit of telling someone how I really see them or how I feel about them. It makes people uncomfortable to hear the honest, heartfelt, good observations about themselves. I’m not blowing smoke up any asses, I don’t need to. There are people who find this annoying and for that I say too bad.

If a lyricist has written a song that makes me feel something whether it’s sadness, anger, lust, or enlightenment, I want them to know. If later they think I’m a nut job for my observations then it’s a shame. And I then feel shame for voicing my joy and appreciation for an art form I use to speak for me at some of the most important times in my life .

Sometimes when I’m angry and I can’t release that anger because there is a tremor in my vocal chords and a stutter in my brain I put a song on that equals that emotion.

I get cut off on the freeway- Pantera “Walk”

I think about my mom’s death and me- Blue October “Hate Me”

I’m happy sexy- Aerosmith “Chip Away the Stone”

The drinking love song- Aerosmith “What it Takes”

The drunk belt it out songs- Motley Crue “Home Sweet Home” and Aerosmith “You See Me Crying”

I could do a great “Ace of Spades” when I drank too but not now.

Since I was little music was such a huge influence on me. It had nothing to do with fame or fortune. These people got to sing and have other people HEAR WHAT THEY WERE SAYING.

When I spoke no one ever really heard what I was saying. They didn’t hear:

Help me

I don’t want to be here anymore

No one loves me

I let them hit me because it means they must care at least a little bit

I don’t remember last night

I’m sorry I just don’t want to feel

Now they try to hear me but don’t have the patience for the way I think and speak. They walk away.

When I tried to communicate with a person or 2 that I mistakenly thought would understand me I was laughed at, blocked, and saw the report where I was called “annoying”.

This 42 year old woman has been through things in her lifetime that would make most men squeal like a bitch. But I took it all.

I am now sober and where once I would beg to be pretty I now know that I am.

I still have a lot of work to do.

I won’t apologize for telling someone I appreciate what they do. Thank you again Mr. Tyler.

I’m not The Ass Maker anymore I’m Dana like it or not.1465401_10203017236218714_1371829290_n P.S. I’m the one with reddish hair the other person is my hair dresser who listens to me and let’s me take my time and think before I speak. In exchange she get’s to do what she wants to my hair except cutting it short.

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2 responses to “The Ass Maker

  1. “where once I would beg to be pretty I now know that I am.”

    whoa. dude. that is powerful. that got me. This whole thing is beautiful though. Thank you. I find it hopeful and encouraging.

    Like

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