Anxiety is My Middle Name

Since getting my puppy my anxiety has been through the roof. I don’t know what the problem is. I feel like something bad is going to happen. When he whines I feel my heart break. I know you’re supposed to let them whine because giving in only reinforces the behavior. I have a hard time doing this. Chihuahuas are kind of different. They are prone to separation anxiety. It can actually be harmful to them to be crate trained. This depends on who you believe. They are very intuitive so I believe it can be harmful. I’m so frazzled right now I don’t know what I’m doing.

I also hate that I’ve always considered myself good with animals. I hate that I feel like I’m failing this poor puppy. Even though he’s getting food, water, shelter and love. I don’t know why I still feel this way. I’m in a bad place right now. I love him and he loves me. So why do I feel so overwhelmed?

Maybe it’s the fact that my father yells at every little thing. I jump every time the dog is out of my sight just in case he has an accident. For Christ’s sake my dad’s parrots make a bigger mess! I don’t like being reprimanded. I can’t follow the dog 24 hours a day. I’m trying the best I can.

I’m also worried about my medical bills. I applied for help and they only agreed to help with 3 days when it was supposed to be 6 months. With more surgeries coming up what am I supposed to do? I’m on disability and they say I make too much. How is that possible? If I lived on my own I wouldn’t be able to afford shelter. The cut off is in the area of $860 a month. You can’t get more than that to qualify. You can’t live on $860 a month. I have to have the surgeries there is no other choice. So add that to my anxiety list.

I have to have a conversation with my Psychiatrist on 11/11/15 about how he does my assessment. He keeps copying and pasting from one visit to the next. When I go up for Review this looks bad. He just puts in a code for Bipolar I or Bipolar II. It should have Bipolar I, Conversion Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, Social Phobia, and PTSD. I think there’s more but I forget. He never puts any real notes about my condition or how I’m doing. Knowing him this will not go well.

I also don’t want to have the surgeries.

I hate complaining but no one listens anyways.

Pretty soon I’ll have lock jaw from clenching my teeth constantly. I do it all day and don’t even know it. I have TMJ and was already told a few years ago how bad it was.

Everything just feels off and sucks right now.

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