I Refuse To Beg


It’s another holiday weekend spent alone. One where once upon a time I would be getting dressed up for a cook out or party. I do not get invited to those anymore.

It could be because I no longer drink and most of the people at these events do. I am over 6 years sober and have been around alcohol with no problem. I have no need or desire.

It could also be that most people know by now that I have been diagnosed as Bipolar.

The last reason hurts the most. My best friend’s childhood friend is now dating the man that I drank with from the age of 17 to about 28. The last time I saw him we had argued. He broke a heavy wooden chair over my head, pinned me to the floor with his knees and repeatedly punched me in the face with a large skull ring on. Then he threw me down a flight of stairs.

There were no charges pressed. He brought me home and told my parents I fell. My father yelled at me that he couldn’t believe anything I said anymore because I was a “drunk”. This person bragged to several people about what he did. He said he was like “Mike Tyson”. My own brother still saw this person. He never stood up for me. No one did.

So now he sometimes stops by with my best friend’s friend. She ALLOWS him into her home. I hardly ever go there because I’m not invited. She knows what he did, her boyfriend knows what he did, yet they still let him come over. Out of respect for me she should tell her friend “You’re welcome anytime but your boyfriend can’t come here and you know why”. But they don’t. He’s manipulative and sadistic. I picture him sitting there laughing thinking he got one over on me because he’s sitting there with all of my friends while I’m alone at home.

I refuse to beg for companionship, for people to do what I think is the right thing, and for friendship. My own sister got what she wanted and now I can’t get in touch with her. A $300 hair service for free. I’m done.





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