I’ll Tell Ya Somethin’

Sometimes I have a day where I cry once. Then the day can go on like an almost normal one. I can be almost happy and content. I can do my jewelry or even leave the house. These days don’t happen often and that’s why friends and family have given up on me. I can’t blame them and I don’t. If doctors can’t fully understand my brain and body, and I can’t either, then how can I expect them to? I take what I can get.

I did get out the other day to a friend’s house. She invites me over when she needs money or runs out of meds but she’s always there if I need her. We were talking about my recent hospital stay. Her mother said “my Donny never complains, not one bit, he just says “what are gonna do?” he so great”. Her Donny tried to touch my sister when we were younger and he was a lot older and married, plus he’s had a partial frontal lobotomy for the seizures he was having so I’m not so sure he knows what’s going on. Yes I feel bad that he’s going through chemo and radiation for a brain tumor but don’t invalidate my feelings or compare them with someone else’s. My mother had Chemo and radiation at the same time and handled it really well. She joked because she only lost the hair under her arms and on her legs! We were secretly jealous. She laughed. I loved her. I miss her.

My friend just called we were supposed to go clothes shopping. Her check hasn’t come but she said I could come by and asked how I’m doing. I told her about my sister being difficult, she’s known her since we were little. I could hear her mother in the background. Then the phone was muffled. She asked something and I responded some more. Her mother called her name loudly like she was standing next to the phone. I smelled a set up. She said she had to go but I could come by, I said I was tired and hung up. I should have known when she called out of the blue and hadn’t called when I got out of the hospital. I should have know when she asked for Adderall and money. I guess I see what I want to see like everyone else. I’m fooled like everyone else. But I hurt 10 times worse than everyone else. I think I’ll stop making or keeping friends. I’m too tired.

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