I have had people ask me recently how I didn’t realize I was sick. I was starting to get frustrated with the questions. The problem is I NEVER feel well. I haven’t for years. It becomes hard to differentiate what’s normal and what isn’t. I was sick of being poked and prodded all the time. I’ve had back pain since I was about 16. I got used to it. When a doctor asks about it it’s hard for me to explain because I’ve lived with it for so long.
So many of my symptoms crossover into each illness. Side effects from meds can be the same as Celiac. Celiac is linked to depression and stuttering. Conversion Disorder for me causes stuttering and tremors. Kidney problems have been associated with Celiac and some medications. My cognitive function has been linked to Bipolar, Celiac, and medications.
Being blamed for not knowing how ill I am makes me feel more alone and depressed. When I think back maybe there were signs I should’ve noticed. I didn’t. I had been glutened by accident. When this happens it can cause constipation or the opposite, fatigue, headaches, pain in my abdomen or gallbladder, an entire 2 page list of symptoms. It also takes months to recover. So that’s why I didn’t really notice anything until my feet swelled 4 times their size.
Now I have to have a biopsy of my urethral wall. It’s risky. The doctor doing it is the best and even he is concerned about the risk. They have one chance to get a piece of the area they need. The area is a small place to work in so if he doesn’t get it right I have to have a different kind of biopsy. The other problem is if he causes a “stricture” because then they have to rebuild the ureter and replace it causing more kidney damage.
None of this sounds good to me. But 4 doctors agree I need the biopsy because they are stumped. They don’t want me to go into kidney failure again.
I’m scared. It’s a lot of anesthesia. A lot of stress. Medicare is giving me a hard time so I’m worried about money. My Bipolar meds are not working to their full potential, leaving me a mess.
I know I am venting but there is no one to talk to. I have to get it out of my head or it will spin out of control.