Lately I have been feeling horrendous. And that’s putting it mildly. I continue to see my Psychiatrist but have not been to my Primary Care doctor in over a year. My last experience there wasn’t pleasant so I just haven’t been back. I have a lot of physical problems, it’s ridiculous to put my life at risk because one person ignored me and talked to me like I was challenged IQ wise. The problem was I advocated for myself and some doctors do not like this. They feel that they are being challenged or blamed. I also praised one of her colleagues that she had sent me to. He is a Hematologist. He was kind and encouraged me to learn everything I could, he was also impressed at how much I already knew. He made me feel like I wasn’t imagining things for a change. Her demeanor changed as soon as I talked about him.
I mentioned I had not had a period in several months and that I might be starting menopause. She just said “No you’re too young”. I told her women with Celiac start preparing for menopause sometimes at 35. No answer. I mentioned I thought I had a sinus infection. She just looked up from her computer and said “No, I don’t think so.” At this point I was angry so my response was ” Snot is supposed to be Army Green then?”. She didn’t respond. I’ve had enough sinus infections to know when I have one. I was so disappointed because until this appointment I liked her. Then today happened.
I looked up my medical records online. On one of the lab reports it said I have Type II Diabetes. No one told me. This was at least 2 years ago. It would’ve been nice to know. Lately my vision has been blurry, my feet are 3 times their normal size, my hands are swollen too, headaches, extreme constipation, weight loss, numbness in my legs and feet, nausea, stomach pain and a lot of other stuff. It’s been scary. I don’t know what’s what. What’s Celiac related, Bipolar related, med related, and now Diabetes related. In addition no one has addressed the swelling in my brain. The report that says it should be monitored frequently but hasn’t been since 2011.
So it’s time to put up or shut up. The Plan. New doctors. None of them are working for me and I have been with them for years. The Bipolar and Conversion Disorder is worse. My physical health is worse than my father’s and he’s in the last stage of kidney failure and on dialysis. I stumble like a drunk, can’t speak normally, cry at the drop of a hat, shake, spend most of my time in the bathroom, have maybe 1 to 3 hours a day where I don’t want to throw up, my head feels like it’s in a vice 24/7. I’m miserable. There are things I want/need/have to do. Enough is enough. I can’t be afraid anymore of what might be found. It can’t be any worse this. I need to be able to help my dad like he’s helped me. I want to travel. I want to LIVE.