After speaking to my alcoholic brother last night and letting it bother me to the point of feeling sick I decided some changes had to be made. They’re going to be big ones and the people in my life are not going to like them. But they have to be done. I will no longer speak to my brother until he understands that I am an Alcoholic. He made comments about my road trip and maybe the band would buy me shots. It was pointless to argue with him because he was drunk but I did anyway. I told him I have been sober for almost 6 years and I would never disrespect the person I was going to see who is also sober by drinking. Besides I don’t want to. He said I didn’t have a problem I reminded him of how I drank him under the table and stuck him with a huge tab right before I quit drinking. He’s 6 foot 3 inches tall and weighs about 275. Plus he’s been drinking longer than me because he’s 7 years older. He was quiet for a few minutes then said “yeah but you hooked me up with that girl haha” so pointless. I’m not doing it anymore. I have always been in his corner because no one else was except my mom. With her gone he had no one. And when we were little he didn’t have it easy and was always there for me when our parents were drinking. But we are adults now and my father has been sober since I was 9. Being Bipolar I am greatly affected by other people’s energy and what they say and do. If you hurt me that hurt will stay in my head for a very long time. I am not like other Bipolar people, actually we are all a little different. I just happen to have extenuating circumstances that go with my diagnosis. The Social Phobia, Conversion Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, PTSD (from what I don’t know), Celiac Disease, Neutropenia, Leukopenia, Loss of White Matter (Significant in brain), Tremors, Stuttering, Hyperpigmentation, Loss of pigmentation, Arthritis, Osteoporosis, Spinal Stenosis, it goes on and on. So I can’t take on the additional crap from other people.
My sister never deals with any of it. I helped her pay for groceries the other day and the found out she went out to dinner with a bunch of friends that included a bottle of wine that she bought the table. Not happening. Her husband said he wasn’t helping my father because my father didn’t help them and didn’t come over to see the kids. He’s lucky I quit drinking or I would have drop kicked him in the nuts. Grow up put your big boy pants on get a full time job and shut the f**k up. My father has done a lot for them that went unappreciated. Sorry you didn’t make it as a rock star but no one talks bad about my father except me. So unless my boys need something they will get no money from me.
That brings me to my dad. He does not want me to do this road trip. Too bad. I have spent over 5 and a half years at home so he wouldn’t worry and get upset when I left the house. This isn’t living. He is 72 and has had his life I am 42 and spent most of mine drunk. It’s time for me to try to do things that make me happy while I can. I will have to try hard not to listen and worry about what he’s going to say and do. Life is short and right now I don’t have much of One. It isn’t normal to go days sometimes a week with no social interaction. I will eventually start to decompensate. Or decompose that is what the computer keeps trying to put in for me. Lol